Yesterday was my 6th VCUG as a mom. I have blogged about this twice before. I have been dreading taking my son for this test since last year when the x-ray showed stage two reflux in both kidneys. Because the test is barbaric and I have no idea what an alternative for it would be.
My middle child finally succeeded in breaking my heart for real. His experience is posted here. Now, he was two and a half on that day and he still remembers it and he gave his brother a big hug yesterday after it was over. Then he turned to me and said, "The worst part of that day was that you were working with the doctor Mom. You weren't trying to help me." Mother. Heart. Broken. I cried real tears after they went to bed because at age four that was incredibly insightful and that is the way it looked from his perspective. I did tell him that that test was the only way a doctor could get a picture of his kidneys and bladder to make sure nothing was wrong, but then he said, "I could have told them nothing was wrong." Anyway, bladder x-rays are always going to be the buzz word he can use to trigger mommy guilt with me. Ugh.
As I was dreading this last week more than a root canal or a visit from a Jehovah's Witness, my phone rang. It was a woman from the hospital's "Child Life" team. I had never heard of it before. She started to tell me about the procedure but I told her I could write a book on it. So then she told me about her program and explained that if I wanted her to, she could help me keep my toddler calm during his VCUG and were there any particular songs, games, and cartoon characters that he preferred? If I hadn't been in the grocery store trying to find the blue yogurts with the strawberries on them in the back of the aisle I would have fallen over. Someone at the hospital was paid to keep my child calm and happy during the procedure?
She met us in the x-ray room after he was in his little scrub suit. She had bubbles, Mickey Mouse books, and Thomas the Train stickers. After the catheter was in, he quit crying and started popping bubbles and talking about Thomas. The procedure did indeed take thirty minutes instead of the two hours it took when my middle son screamed his head off. Could I have been the one blowing the bubbles? Yes, if I didn't have to hold his hands, rub his head, and watch the x-ray so I could ask the doctor questions later. An extra sweet person is always a blessing.
Instead of having reflux in both kidneys it is now down to one. Yes, he will still need to take his preventive antibiotics and I told the radiology team, "See you next year!" as we left. But if they still have a child life team, it will be a lot less of a wretched experience.
In a bad economy, everything is downsized and cut. Keeping children safe and happy when they are scared and confused is not a place to do it. If I ever need a new career I'm looking into this.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Comments?
I think I have fixed my comment problem. If not I'll keep trying!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Climbing out of Hell
I haven't been in the mood to blog lately. I have had plenty to write about and tons to share. But if I started I would stop. I could give you all kinds of reasons and they are true. The first is I am addicted to The Millennium series. I finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and plunged into The Girl Who Played with Fire and went ahead and bought the Hornet's Nest in hardback. The second reason is that I love my summer time off with my children and the computer is work to me during the school year. So we are hitting the lakes and the playgrounds and spending quality time with friends and family until it is back to the regularly scheduled work from home mommy routine. But the main reason is that I have a dear friend in what I call "Hell" and when I sit down to blog, I think about her. She has a beautiful blog and when I try to type about enjoying my boys being quiet only to find out they are sharing a jar of peanut butter with their bare hands on the living room couch, I can't do it. But I will. I have to. I can't not. I have to blog as much as she does. Because I have been to hell too.
There are tons of trite cliches and sayings about bad things happening to good people, everything happens for a reason, God carries you, etc. etc. But I am blunt and please forgive me if I offend you. NOBODY wants to hear that when it is happening. This is what I say. At some time in our lives, we are going to go to hell. I think about everyone I know and I can't think of a single person that hasn't had an atrocity occur at some point in their life. Some of us, unfortunately, have more than others and we all know that one bad thing in your life does not prevent another from occurring. I have been to hell now at least four times. How do I get out of it? I climb. I keep climbing. It gets better. It takes a long time, but you live again.
Right when it happens? I call this "Automatic Pilot" time. You eat, you sleep, you take a shower. Every now and then you will remember to brush your teeth. Use deodorant, possibly some lip gloss.You might not do any of that regularly at first, but if you have friends worth anything they will make sure that you do. Eat, sleep, take a shower. You accept the hugs and the kisses and meaning well visitors. Please try not to blow up at anyone if they give you a cliche, but I forgive you if you do and so will they eventually.
Every day from that point on is the "Before and After" and you are living in the "After." My "Befores" still pop up every now and then. My four year old son just got his first lightsaber, which triggers a flood of Star Wars movie memories of a time when I had cousins alive and well. I always had to be Leia. I never got to be anyone else. There was no Padme before 1985. Fortunately we were all too young to care about gold bikinis.
Because I'm blunt, I'll tell you that the "After" sucks. It sucks for a while. It sucks more without support, but it is going to suck no matter how much you have. You are going to look at things differently than other people do. Every time Harry Potter ever walked down a hallway at Hogwarts and had all eyes on his scar, I wanted to buy him a butter beer. I also wanted to tell him it could be worse, but I didn't really know how it could be, and thank goodness he was a made up character. Ditto for the Vanger family in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Imagine being related to a serial killer! That's embarrassing. How do you do it? You climb away from it. You keep going and slowly but surely you become you again.
The last thing I want to say is that you are "The One." You know, "The one whose parents died in a plane crash." Or, "The one whose sister killed herself." Or "The one who was raped." Whatever the atrocity is, you are "The One." And I don't mean you get to choose between two colored pills and chase Keanu into the matrix. Sorry. How you choose to deal with your oneness is going to make or break the way you live in your "After." The good news is the more time goes by, the more people forget about your oneness.
So please excuse me for being still and grieving for my friend as she begins to climb out of hell. Always be careful when you tell someone to go there.
There are tons of trite cliches and sayings about bad things happening to good people, everything happens for a reason, God carries you, etc. etc. But I am blunt and please forgive me if I offend you. NOBODY wants to hear that when it is happening. This is what I say. At some time in our lives, we are going to go to hell. I think about everyone I know and I can't think of a single person that hasn't had an atrocity occur at some point in their life. Some of us, unfortunately, have more than others and we all know that one bad thing in your life does not prevent another from occurring. I have been to hell now at least four times. How do I get out of it? I climb. I keep climbing. It gets better. It takes a long time, but you live again.
Right when it happens? I call this "Automatic Pilot" time. You eat, you sleep, you take a shower. Every now and then you will remember to brush your teeth. Use deodorant, possibly some lip gloss.You might not do any of that regularly at first, but if you have friends worth anything they will make sure that you do. Eat, sleep, take a shower. You accept the hugs and the kisses and meaning well visitors. Please try not to blow up at anyone if they give you a cliche, but I forgive you if you do and so will they eventually.
Every day from that point on is the "Before and After" and you are living in the "After." My "Befores" still pop up every now and then. My four year old son just got his first lightsaber, which triggers a flood of Star Wars movie memories of a time when I had cousins alive and well. I always had to be Leia. I never got to be anyone else. There was no Padme before 1985. Fortunately we were all too young to care about gold bikinis.
Because I'm blunt, I'll tell you that the "After" sucks. It sucks for a while. It sucks more without support, but it is going to suck no matter how much you have. You are going to look at things differently than other people do. Every time Harry Potter ever walked down a hallway at Hogwarts and had all eyes on his scar, I wanted to buy him a butter beer. I also wanted to tell him it could be worse, but I didn't really know how it could be, and thank goodness he was a made up character. Ditto for the Vanger family in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Imagine being related to a serial killer! That's embarrassing. How do you do it? You climb away from it. You keep going and slowly but surely you become you again.
The last thing I want to say is that you are "The One." You know, "The one whose parents died in a plane crash." Or, "The one whose sister killed herself." Or "The one who was raped." Whatever the atrocity is, you are "The One." And I don't mean you get to choose between two colored pills and chase Keanu into the matrix. Sorry. How you choose to deal with your oneness is going to make or break the way you live in your "After." The good news is the more time goes by, the more people forget about your oneness.
So please excuse me for being still and grieving for my friend as she begins to climb out of hell. Always be careful when you tell someone to go there.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Reading a LOT!
I have a pile of books I am trying to plow through-I think Lisbeth Salander is up there with Dana Sculley from the X-Files on my list of fake people I wish were real so I could meet them. Don't worry people-I will be back very soon. Here is hoping that Spain wins the world cup tomorrow. My love for the cup deserves a post. Probably tomorrow night...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Happy 1st birthday to the Quack!
Yesterday was the first anniversary of my blog. It's hard to believe I have stuck with a hobby for a year. I tried to scrapbook and I couldn't crop a picture or put cute little stickers, excuse me, embellishments where they belonged. I tried yoga but I laughed too hard during the names of the poses. I've never bothered with Bunko or Bridge games either, because once in 5th grade a group of kids conspired to get me out of a round of "Heads Up! Seven Up!" and ever since then I just don't like games at all. Despite my lack of well rounded hobbies, here I am-still blogging! That is a wow right there.
My blog came to me while I was driving down New Garden Road in Greensboro, North Carolina. How bizarre that I was in that location. Who said you can't go home again? Before you start a blog, naming it is everything. I don't think I would read anything called "My Perfect Child." Don't do it people.
What is the coolest thing that has happened since I started blogging? Well, it is silly, but I did have a company send me free bath products after I posted about giving my kids a bath.I still buy the Elmo foam soap; it smells great and it doesn't break them out. No, the company is not paying me to say that.
The second coolest thing was becoming part of the Autisable group. Those people really care about autism and while I don't write about it all the time, it is cool when my voice is heard by more people than the ones that come here. Just don't forget that blogs are not medical counseling. I'd still ask an expert before I did anything crazy. I can tell people my daughter really benefited from the Letter Factory DVD, but that doesn't mean every single child will. I would love to write more about autism, but I have to go to the grocery store, fold laundry, grade papers, read vampire novels, you get the idea.
Where do I find the time? Where does anyone find the time to do anything they want to do? You have to set your time. Unless something ridiculous happens that I have to share, I am a once a week blogger. I have friends that blog daily and I have friends that write short blogs. I can't do that. I tell myself that once a week is fine. During the summer months it is probably once every ten days as I am not attached to my computer as much as I am during the school year.
One of my goals for the new blogging year is to work on my bells and whistles. My blog isn't as fancy as other ones. While I think that my words can hold their own, it is neat to work on all the little things that are possible. The more I practice, the cooler it will get. Wait a minute-is blogging cool? I don't know as I have never been cool in my life.
Before you start a blog, ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" My original answer would have been that my Harry Potter essays were never accepted on Mugglenet, so I created my own place to publish whatever I wanted to write. Showed those kids, didn't I? I'm not kidding. I need to post more of those essays. My blogging topics have branched out since then. I write about a lot of different things. Like I said, be careful because no one wants to read a blog called "My perfect child." Not to mention that a blog about hemorrhoids and your special treatments for them might get some gags and/or laughs. But then again, there might be a group of people out there with serious intestinal problems that need your expertise. Use your best judgment.
The last thing to say is this: no one else has lived your life. You bring all of it to your blog. You bring it to whatever you do. So there is no reason why someone who wants to blog shouldn't start. I could write a post about going to the zoo and so could one hundred other people and they would all be different and worth reading by someone.
The Quack will probably never own a sewing machine or play golf. I don't see myself making jewelry or quilting. I would like a garden some day and I am getting really good at running. But of all the hobbies I never had, I hope this one stays around. Aren't you glad I didn't start ceramics?
My blog came to me while I was driving down New Garden Road in Greensboro, North Carolina. How bizarre that I was in that location. Who said you can't go home again? Before you start a blog, naming it is everything. I don't think I would read anything called "My Perfect Child." Don't do it people.
What is the coolest thing that has happened since I started blogging? Well, it is silly, but I did have a company send me free bath products after I posted about giving my kids a bath.I still buy the Elmo foam soap; it smells great and it doesn't break them out. No, the company is not paying me to say that.
The second coolest thing was becoming part of the Autisable group. Those people really care about autism and while I don't write about it all the time, it is cool when my voice is heard by more people than the ones that come here. Just don't forget that blogs are not medical counseling. I'd still ask an expert before I did anything crazy. I can tell people my daughter really benefited from the Letter Factory DVD, but that doesn't mean every single child will. I would love to write more about autism, but I have to go to the grocery store, fold laundry, grade papers, read vampire novels, you get the idea.
Where do I find the time? Where does anyone find the time to do anything they want to do? You have to set your time. Unless something ridiculous happens that I have to share, I am a once a week blogger. I have friends that blog daily and I have friends that write short blogs. I can't do that. I tell myself that once a week is fine. During the summer months it is probably once every ten days as I am not attached to my computer as much as I am during the school year.
One of my goals for the new blogging year is to work on my bells and whistles. My blog isn't as fancy as other ones. While I think that my words can hold their own, it is neat to work on all the little things that are possible. The more I practice, the cooler it will get. Wait a minute-is blogging cool? I don't know as I have never been cool in my life.
Before you start a blog, ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" My original answer would have been that my Harry Potter essays were never accepted on Mugglenet, so I created my own place to publish whatever I wanted to write. Showed those kids, didn't I? I'm not kidding. I need to post more of those essays. My blogging topics have branched out since then. I write about a lot of different things. Like I said, be careful because no one wants to read a blog called "My perfect child." Not to mention that a blog about hemorrhoids and your special treatments for them might get some gags and/or laughs. But then again, there might be a group of people out there with serious intestinal problems that need your expertise. Use your best judgment.
The last thing to say is this: no one else has lived your life. You bring all of it to your blog. You bring it to whatever you do. So there is no reason why someone who wants to blog shouldn't start. I could write a post about going to the zoo and so could one hundred other people and they would all be different and worth reading by someone.
The Quack will probably never own a sewing machine or play golf. I don't see myself making jewelry or quilting. I would like a garden some day and I am getting really good at running. But of all the hobbies I never had, I hope this one stays around. Aren't you glad I didn't start ceramics?
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