Day 25: The Word

Happy Holidays!

In addition to being dragged to the Episcopal church every Sunday since I was born,  I went to a Southern Baptist college and was required to take religion courses.   I am most comfortable in the Episcopal church, but I can worship anywhere.  I even went to a Bahai faith center once...long story. I know my Nativity stories-my children know the stories.  They know there is more to it than Santa Coming down the chimney and leaving presents under a tree covered in glass orbs.

This year I went to three different Christmas services and heard three completely different men give three completely different sermons. Awesome work done by all three, but next year I need to work a "Woman preacher" in there somewhere....

Until this Christmas I had always known of two Nativity gospel stories: Luke's Shepherds and Matthew's Wise men (or Kings, or Magi, whatever you are comfortable with). I had never thought of John as having a Christmas story-but he does. And now it is my favorite.

It isn't Christmas Pageant worthy, but it gets to the point which is perfect for people that don't need a lot of fluff:


And the Word became flesh and lived among us...

Wow- I grew up in the church and not until this year did I know that was the birth of Jesus...that makes it Christmas and Nativity worthy.


Because I grew up Southern, when I hear "THE WORD!"  I think of preachers in courtyards screaming. I also remember making the mistake of trying to discuss the Bible with a friend-I said that the story of Cain and Abel was written for a shepherding community so of course God wanted a lamb sacrifice. That friend said, "No, it is just THE WORD."  OK then....stick to what you are wearing to the dance for topics of conversation with her from now on.

On this Christmas day, I think that maybe the word can just be the word.....

Now when I think of words among us, I think about how quickly and instantly we can give and receive them.   Every mother of  a child that doesn't hear a word or two by the time the child is eighteen months better freak out.  We put words in our status updates, tweets, and blogs. People read these and can even comment back-words were given to us and we are supposed to SHARE.  That is why so many people are drawn to writing and reading.

Maybe?

Words and the word really are one of our most powerful gifts. What we say to our family, friends, colleagues, children...it's how we live and interact together. A week ago tomorrow I spent time with a very old and good friend who always told us what her vision was and she got where she wanted to be.  She told me the other night, "No Ma'am, we don't behave that way.  At the end of the day, you need to know you have always spoken and acted like a lady."  I wish she had had that talk with me a year ago...or twenty years ago....oh well, I'm past Advent, so from now on...

I'll keep blogging and using my gift for words.  I'll keep telling you about my life as I live and lived it. There are hundreds of thousands of other blogs and bloggers out there and if my words aren't the ones for you- you will find others.

But today the word became flesh and lived among us....

So you can tell your stories on the mountain...

Day 24: Arrivals...

As my little Sister says, "Wowsa!"

I created 24 Advent posts again.  I only cheated twice and they were technically Advent posts-I didn't say I'd write a novel a day. :0)


This year I was a little deeper than I was last year about the whole thing.  Weird, because I just write what I'm thinking.  I don't consider myself a writer, my friends laugh that reading my blog isn't any different than hearing my voice.  So blogging to me is just more talking.

At the top of my Advent blog I put a few definitions I found for Advent.  The one jumping out at me right now is arrival. This may be obvious, but in order to arrive, you have to have been somewhere else. 

I could take this a hundred and one different ways.


I was in high school and went to college?
I was a quiet little freshman that studied abroad in South America and found a loud voice?
I had one baby girl and now I have her and her two brothers?
I heard about this Facebook thing when I left North Carolina for Pittsburgh...joined it because I was afraid I wouldn't make new friends....now I am blogging and have quite a few friends all over the world?
I grew up in North Carolina and now I consider myself a small town New Englander?


 So yes, in this lifetime, I have arrived a couple of times and I'm going to arrive again and again. You can always arrive... YOU WILL ALWAYS ARRIVE....


We are always on the Advent of something....the right things to do and say come to you, as do the right people.


Think about this arrival tonight:

And know what tomorrow brings!

Christmas in Old Salem.....

Day 23: A day with my Grandparents

On August 4th I took all three of my children to visit my grandparents.  They rode in a wagon up and down the halls and sang songs and quoted Bible verses and showed off very well...:0)  That was the day I got my sanity back and I'll never forget it.

But today, I went to my grandparent's nursing home without my children.  I had never been there without them and my grandmother has early stages of Alzheimer's.  I was terrified she would ask for the children over and over again.

I got there and my grandparents were happy to see me, and they showed me things that I had seen a hundred times before, in this condo and in their home. We went through all the pictures on my iPhone-thank goodness I snap all kinds of pictures on that thing. They saw dance recitals and soccer camps. They saw all the snap shots of the Christmas pageant and the videos of every time Frances sang in the choir.  They saw the Halloween costumes and still don't believe that the Gozzi Turkey farm turkeys exist.

My grandparents took me to their dining room-very much like a country club, and I was able to eat a wonderful lunch.  I didn't have to worry about my three children not minding their manners or running down hallways or bumping into people on walkers.  My grandfather is hell on wheels on his scooter-it reminded me of racing him on the shore of Emerald Isle when I was five.


This might be the very last "Christmas Present" that I get with my grandparents.  I was where I needed to be.  I needed to have an uninterrupted conversation with both of them.  This Christmas was a gift and I will embrace it. I could talk freely without worrying about my children stepping on an oxygen tank tube or throwing a baseball out the front window.

They may be here this summer to race my children down the hallways and if they are I will praise God and the universe for that gift for my babies.

Today, I had a small gift of time with my grandparents, just for me.

Day 22: The Santaland Diaries

Well, I went to the theater tonight-any guesses on what I saw?

The Nutcracker?  A Christmas Carol?  A  re-telling of the Nativity put on by a Mega church?

Oh hell, why keep you guys in suspense....

I saw The Santaland Diaries by the brilliant, witty David Sedaris.

David Sedaris is one of those writers you can use to divide your friends into categories.  If you say "David Sedaris" and someone smiles, they are on the good list.  If you say "David Sedaris" and get a blank look, either tell that friend you are busy or loan them a copy of Naked.

The play is a one man show with no intermission. Anyone who can keep an audience going by themselves deserves a nice little shout out no matter what season of the liturgical calendar: Lent, Epiphany, Easter, whatever.  This actor in this play has to wear an elf suit, smoke pot, make a bloody Mary during his break, simulate a child peeing on the audience, and pretend to be Billy Holiday singing Away in a Manger.  So yeah, I'd say he did a great job.

It starts with a man looking for an acting job during the holiday season.  When he doesn't land a role on a soap opera he takes a position as an elf at Macy's in Santaland. His Elf name is "Crumpet."  From there we see the life of a department elf in New York city for the Christmas season.

 A couple of reflections:

1) I am so glad I moved up there, or I don't know if I would have gotten the New Jersey jokes.

2) The elves all have different jobs within the land.  The "OMG!" elf is in charge of the line. The parents freak when they see how long it is.  The Photo elf has to help the kids smile and pose, etc.  The exit elf gets them the hell out of there-his words, not mine.

3) Each Santa has a different personality.  My favorite was the one who takes his character to the next level and really, really thinks they are Santa.  Of course Jerome, the Santa of color, is my second favorite.

4) It's all about the parents-if you wait in line for an hour and your kid refuses to see Santa, um, yeah...you get a little irritated. I never had a problem the years I had newborns sleeping in Santa's lap. I would give anything to go back in time and buy the photo of Frances and Kenneth, ages two and five weeks, screaming bloody murder on the big guy's lap.  This year their father took them, and I was given a picture of Santa with two children all smiles-the only problem is I have three kids instead of two..no worries....one day their little brother will join in, I'm sure. Shout out to their dad for not forcing the issue.

5) I once worked as an elf helper at the Friendly Shopping Center-the next day the Santa was going to be arrested for shop lifting....no kidding.


The coolest thing about the Santaland Diaries is that the play started as an essay on NPR-how many essays spring into plays?  Maybe one of my grocery store diaries will hit Broadway...I won't hold my breath.

Day 21: Hogwarts Year 3

Every time I read the Christmas chapters in book three, I can see the little village covered in snow at Christmas time.  I want to join the crowd at the pub with a warm butter beer or have a snow ball fight on the Hogwarts grounds. I think that living in Guilford and wandering around the town green decorated for the holidays is as close as I am going to get to Hogsmede...

This is my favorite book and movie for several reasons. I love Alfonso Cuaron, the director.  I love the idea of a Patronus-a spell that protects you from complete sadness.  (Mine is a Chow dog).  I love that the trio is now old enough to pick "electives" for their classes.  I love that they are old enough to visit Hogsmede, the all wizarding village.  I love the time turner, I love Aunt Marge blowing up, I love divination, I love the Knight Bus, I love Lupin being a werewolf, I love the Marauder's Map....I love....I love... I love...


I love that Harry has a Godfather!


I didn't pick any of the Godparents for my children lightly.  Not that anyone should do it the Page way, but I asked myself-who would I want to be my family? And I made them God Parents to my children.

Christmas morning Harry wakes up to the Firebolt broomstick gift.  It was an incredible gift for a couple of reasons- 1) It meant a lot to him as a Quidditch player and 2) It was very expensive and very few people spend that kind of money on someone randomly.

It was given without a note and checked for jinxes, but we later find out that good Sirius Black, his Godfather, had done it for him.

Other than your parents, only a Godparent would do something like that.  How do I know?  I know because Frances' Godmother finds ways to send her gifts from all of her travels-London, Greece, Italy. And Kenneth's Godparents drove eleven hours to get here for Thanksgiving. Lowell's Godfather, one of my favorite cousins,  shares my taste in music and movies, because I gave it to him when he was ten...

That Firebolt was Harry's first real "commercial" gift.  He had been given crap by the Dursleys and loving hand made gifts from Mrs. Weasley, but this time someone that loved him very much gave him a gift he knew that Harry would love very much. There are times when we spend money on the right things and they are loved and appreciated by the right people. When that extra special gift arrives, it makes the season and the Advent wait that much more powerful.  How long did Harry have to wait for someone that close to arrive in his life?

Everything in book three points toward love, compassion, and help when it's needed...that includes a Godfather's Christmas gift...

When I have to buy an extra special gift for an extra special person, I remember Sirius giving Harry the Firebolt...what a happy thought to produce a beautiful patronus!

Day 20: Time for an old friend...

The other day, I took some time to spend with a very good friend from growing up in Greensboro, NC. Kristen is one of the few that has known me since elementary school, and knowing me in elementary wasn't an easy thing to do....

She is a business owner in Manhattan and I am the mother of three on the Connecticut shoreline.  A few years ago, she called me and said, "I'm coming to Connecticut to get a new kitten, can I spend the day with you and your kids after that?  You guys are hilarious!"  She got to my house around one and didn't head back to the city until well after midnight. During that day she helped me give all three of them dinner and baths, she saw all of my daughter's stuffed animal collections and favorite dresses, and the kids performed their "Tom and Jerry Play" for Mommy's friend Kristen. 

Don't ask-you don't really want to know.

That was March of 2010. Finally, almost two years later,  I was able to find a time to come to her and spend a day in New York!

First, we hit Barneys- I had never been there before!  I promised my daughter I would go to the Lady Gaga workshop. I hope she appreciates that I did.  I did NOT buy my eight year old the fake eye lashes or press on nails.  I also passed on the Lady Gaga Christmas stocking boot. I hope I don't lose cool mommy points over that. I found something appropriate for her, don't worry-she'll be surprised!

As we were leaving we got in an elevator with Mary Tyler Moore!  No kidding-she heard I was going to make it after all........

After that we went to the Museum of Modern Art-despite the fact that I am less than a two hour train ride away, this was my first time there since 1991.  The bad news is I had forgotten how many famous paintings were there, but the good news is:

1) I got to see all the goodies of the art world without chasing children around an art museum and getting dirty looks from other visitors. No brilliantly irreplaceable pieces were smashed that day.  Actually, my children know a lot about artists from their preschool in Pittsburgh-Frances has been using Jackson Pollock as an excuse to throw applesauce in the kitchen for years...


2) The children have not fried my brain so badly I have forgotten who painted a starry night with thick strokes, who melted clocks out of fear of time, and who spent hours and hours painting waterlilies.  I knew the titles, I knew the artists...I still have my cultural literacy...sort of....it just got blended in with the cast of High School Musical.


3) In 1991, Frida Kahlo was not as important to me as she is now. I hadn't lived in Pittsburgh and known the importance of Andy Warhol, I wonder, did he own a Steeler's Jersey?  So like everything else in your life, when you go back and re-visit something, even briefly, you can get something new out of it.


Next up was hot chocolate at the Maison du Chocolat-oh my I can never microwave hot water and mix in Swiss Miss with powder clumps and dehydrated marshmallows as long as I live again!  Yum!!!  It was wonderful to sip sin in a cup while looking up at a stunningly gorgeous Christmas tree.

The rest of the evening was spent as two old friends eating dinner and catching up on Life, The Universe, and Everything.  She introduced me to the root vegetable known as the sunchoke.   When she came to Guilford we had Subway sandwiches....

The best thing about doing New York with a real New Yorker: 1) I know how to aggressively hail my cabs now and 2) Always put your shopping bags inside a neutral colored shopping bag if you are out late at night. 


What a great day....a wonderful gift during the Advent season!

Day 19: A day in New York...

Very busy....

I'll write two posts tomorrow....

Day 18: The Fourth Sunday in Advent...Joy!!!!

Fourth Sunday in Advent is extra special to me because ...

It's for joy/love! (I keep getting different google answers....I give up).


My third child was baptised on the fourth Sunday in Advent.  I went to high school with the priest and all but told him he had to do it.

That day my baby's older sister couldn't go in a large crowd and wasn't with us around the font.

I say it over and over again...she hated crowds. I did anything and everything I could do to get her to handle a crowd. It wasn't always pretty-there were times it was embarrassing.


It's hard when you are the mom of the child on the spectrum.  It's quite a responsbility and undertaking.  You have to have a very thick skin. You have to have an incredible amount of patience and endurance.  You have to put a lot of intense effort into it and you won't see results overnight.  And again, everyone will be looking at you.  Well, they won't be looking as much as you feel like they will be looking, but you will see people look up every now and then. 

As the Mom, you just don't want to go anywhere. "No, we won't do story time at the library, she can't handle it.  I think  we will skip that birthday party, she can't handle it."  I didn't go to church for a year because she couldn't handle it.

Therapists and educators told me to try again, with different techniques. Slowly but surely, after three years of going to the same church and services, she can now sit with me and sing in front of the parish, just like all the other children.  I had to be willing to take a few embarrassing moments to get us to today.

Awkward...embarrassing..judgmental....these are just a few words you hear when you first start your autism journey, I think..  Or maybe anytime during your autism journey, they pop up.

I was listening to the Nativity story for the 37th time today during the Children's Pageant, and I actually thought of Joseph.

He found out his fiancee was six months pregnant by....someone else.  He was going to privately end it, but was told in a dream to raise the child as his own.  He did it.  He probably got an eyebrow raise or two, I'm not sure.  Every now and then even though Luke doesn't say it, I bet it got awkward.   Despite the circumstances, he took on the role he was given, that was pretty awesome.

Three years ago on the fourth Sunday of Advent I welcomed my third child into the house of the Lord and he is on the spectrum as well as his older sister. 

No angels came to me and told me it was going to happen, but it did, and I can handle it.

How do I know I can?

BECAUSE......Today his sister stood up with her peers and sang in the Angel Choir after she screamed and cried three years ago to not have anything to do with a crowd. 

What a day for joy/love!

Day 17: Dinner and A Christmas Carol

 In addition to our nutcracker obsession, we have now seen three versions of A Christmas Carol: the Muppet version with Michael Cain, Mickey's Christmas Carol with then entire gang from the Clubhouse, and the Jim Carey computer puppet version. 


Here is what I have learned from the classic this year:

1) With your children, I recommend watching the Mickey version first. It covers all of the essentials of the story in less than thirty minutes:  Ebenezar Scrooge is a greedy man who treats his employee horribly, will not donate to the poor, or go to his nephew's house for Christmas dinner. He goes home and sees his late partner on the doorknob, he is visited by Jacob Marley, now chained to his money, who tells him he will be visited by three ghosts, etc. etc.....

2) They thought the Muppet version was boring. I am not sure why and I didn't ask for any more details than that...

3) All three of them lost it over the idea of Tiny Tim dying.  "Mom, that's the saddest thing I ever saw."  Hurray for happy endings until it's time to pull out Old Yeller....

4) The older two were afraid of money at first after watching it.  I told them the point wasn't to never have "money," but to put your love and trust in people and building relationships.  The nephew Fred was an excellent example of this.  He was not poor, but he was spending his Christmas with friends and family playing games and laughing.  He even prayed for his uncle.  We also talked about different things we do in the community at Christmas time:  hat and mitten trees, canned food drives,  and toys for tots.

5) Tonight we had pizza and the Jim Carey version with some really good family friends.  It really was a wonderful version, and those that know me well know that I don't pass Jim compliments lightly.  It was much scarier than the Muppet or the Mickey Mouse version, but my three seemed to be able to handle it because they knew the story and were prepared.

6) What I never knew before today and should have to be culturally literate:

a) The ghost of Christmas past is androgynous and Dickens called him/her "it."
b) Humbug means nonsense

7) I love my Christmas pasts-that is why I write this blog during Advent.  I take a moment every day to reflect on why I do what I do.  I can go back to about age four and remember Christmas memories.  Even the Christmas eve I was in bed with the full blown flu.....

8)  The Christmas present is the one you are supposed to be having.  Whatever is happening is meant to happen. Today we went to church for the pageant rehearsal, went to a friend's house for lunch and Christmas pictures, and then another friend's house for dinner and A Christmas Carol.  Every day brings something new, even the stuff you weren't excited about, let it happen....

9) You can't predict the Christmas that is coming, but there are little things you can do along the way to get a general idea of what is ahead.  How you handle it is within your control.  Try to make as many positive choices as you can, and move along when you don't.

10) Each of us has some kind of a "Tiny Tim" moment. You look around at the crap and you still say, "God bless us everyone!" I think I like Tim better than Pollyanna.  He's more believable??  You will find some way to think you have been blessed even when you really don't feel that way....you are....seriously, don't roll your eyes at me.  I know of which I speak.


Bets on who ends up in my bed at three a.m. claiming a ghost came to visit them?

That is my blessing!

Day 16: Friday night playing the Dreidel....

We had made plans to get together with another family tonight, but due to illness that was canceled.  What to do when something like that happens?


There is always another plan, and my son brought it home in his backpack:

A Dreidel!

In Kindergarten today, he learned about Hanukkah and brought home a Dreidel!  He wasted no time teaching his brother and sister how to play the game.  If it is one thing he loves, it's a competition.  Here is the thing.  In the school district we live in, food is not allowed to be brought in from home and shared.  So they were playing with pennies.

My child needed Gelt, and he needed it tonight.  Didn't Mommy spend last week searching for nutcrackers?  I couldn't argue with that logic.....

We hit the Wal-Mart and looked high and low for it.  Candy aisle after candy aisle we found nothing.   I was impressed with what all we did find,but I didn't throw it in the cart.  "GELT Mother!  Ally's mom said Gelt and I know you are friends with her!!!"  Fine....

After two rounds of searching I tried to convince my son we could use Peppermint patties.  They are circular, they are silver. 

"No mom, to play the game, it must be GELT! I'm the Hanukkah expert..."  I didn't want to argue and make a scene in the Wal-Mart. I do enough of that in the grocery store...

The universe provided:

Star Wars Gelt!

At first, my purist was not about to play the Dreidel with Star Wars gelt. I debated on this being acceptable or not and what would my friends and neighbors back in Squirrel Hill say? But then I remembered the game could be played with anything, so we bought it.

At the check out counter, the cashier looked at me and said, "I'm assuming you are Reformed and not Orthodox?"   Are you allowed to ask that? Is that like asking a pregnant woman if she is getting a c-section or natural birth?  I don't know....

"Well, Episcopalian actually..." I love the north...


While big sister played Barbies, two little boys happily played The Dreidel game and ate chocolate along the way:

After a few rounds, I asked him, "Why are we doing this?  What did Ally's mom tell you today?"

I swear I don't make this stuff up:

"They needed oil, they only had enough for one day, but it lasted eight. And when you need something and you don't have it, and you get it anyway, that's a miracle."


I am going to write that one down on an index card.....

Tatty: X-File #3212

Day 15: The X-Files: The truth behind the elf on the shelf

I am fed up with being told there is no such thing as normal- there has to be a standard deviation or something that I one day will fall into.  All moms have good days and all moms have bad days but I don't know anyone but me who has my days.

Today I had to tell my boys the truth behind the Elf on the Shelf.

My boys were playing with all the Christmas things I have out: Santa, Reindeer, a Plush Nativitiy scene.  Sometimes they play nicely like telling Santa what they want for Christmas or telling the story of Jesus' birth in the manger.  Sometimes, they make Santa crash his sleigh.  As my older son is playing with these things, he gets "the look."  I hate that look.  I avoid that look.  It means he made a connection and I'm going to have to deal with it later.  He looked at everything around him and then he looked up at our Elf on the Shelf.

(Side bar, I will not participate in the "mommy elf" war. My elf moves if I move her, if she doesn't move, she liked where I put her in the first place-it is not a rocket science-now back to my story...)

Kenneth looked at her and said, "She is just a toy, just like all our toys."

I did what any good mother would do....


 I pretended I didn't hear him.




Lunch time, it was not brought up again.

Thank you powers that be, I can avoid that a little while longer...

Then it was time to go to school-if only the drive to Madison were a little bit shorter......he brought it up again.

"Seriously, Mom....the elves are just toys and the whole thing is a joke."

"Honey, no, it's part of the magic...they have to look like toys or people would freak out."

"Why can't they just be normal?  We could handle a live elf sitting on a shelf."  Yeah, we probably could. God knows we can handle anything.

"Kenneth, if  there were a bunch of live elves going around, people would freak and the government would take them like an X-File."

"The what files?"


Oh no I didn't...

Before there was Harry Potter, there was the X-Files. I watched that show religiously: Freshman year of college on Friday nights before they moved it to Sundays.  I watched it in Spain dubbed in Spanish.  I told my grandmother during a weekend visit that I was going to watch the X-Files on the small television in the living room behind the piano while she and Grandaddy watched the Braves game on their big screen in the den.  She brought me Pringles!

I loved Dana Scully and Fox Mulder.....what color was her hair again? That's right, red.. don't forget it...My first year teaching my classroom was covered in X-Files posters and I still  have a huge X-Files coffee mug.

How do you explain the X-Files to a six year old without looking like a loony tune?

"Well, the X-Files..were...special agents...kind of like Inspector Gadget or Special Agent Oso....and if we called them and said...we have a live elf in our house, they..um, come and check to make sure we are telling the truth...and if we are telling the truth, the government might take the elves to learn more about them, so to keep this from happening, the elves have to look like all the other toys."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS???? YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SHOW EVER!!!!!"

He and I have an agreement-on his thirteenth birthday he can watch the cockroach episode with me.  Until then he can live through his mommie's memories of one of the best shows ever....


Nothing, and I mean nothing, would be a better Christmas gift to me than having Mulder and Scully knock on my door in this small New England town to investigate reports of elves running around tattling to Santa Claus....

Maybe I am cheating my kids because I don't spend hours at craft stores searching for fabrics to make clothes for our elf.

Call the FBI on me....

Day 14: What Numeracy Means to Christmas....

Numeracy has become my new favorite word.  Numeracy, Numeracy, Numeracy....

Wikipedia defines numeracy as:  the ability to reason with numbers and other mathematical concepts. A numerically literate person can manage and respond to the mathematical demands of life.  Aspects of numeracy include number sense, operation sense, computation, measurement, geometry, probability and statistics.

What does this mean for Christmas?

I'll tell you!

This means four calling birds aren't six.

This means when I start an Advent blog I have to come up twenty-five witty or somewhat coherent blog posts.

This means how many gifts does each child need or want and what is my budget for each child and if I use a credit card for said purchases what is the interest rate and is the gift really worth it.

This means that if we are going to make the gingerbread houses I need to measure the sides so they match up just right and have enough red and green gumdrops and peppermint swirls for my son to complete his roof patterns without throwing a hissy fit it didn't come out even.

This means there are eight tiny reindeer not counting Rudolph who was added later.

This means planning out Santa's route around the world and how fast he is going and if he starts in Papua New Guinea when will he get to North Carolina?

This means fluffing a Christmas tree and putting the spherical ornaments in "triangular" formations. 

This means counting how many children are in line before yours to see Santa Claus at a shopping center, then looking at your watch to see how long you will be there and if you should get a tall, grande, or venti latte from Starbucks and still be able to wait in line before someone (you) has to go potty.

This means if you have to be at the church in your angel and cattle costumes at 9:15 ready to be in a pageant, you better set your alarm three hours early and have three outfits ready to go.

This means if you plan a cookie swap and need to bake a dozen cookies for each child and everyone RSVPS yes then you better start baking....

This means if you go to the Dollar Tree for ornaments and other plastic Christmas bling, it will all still be a dollar, so just count by ones....then multiply your tax whatever it is this week...

This means you will lose track of how many times you watch A Christmas Story, but the kid will ask for that gun every single time.

This means you really, really love your job, but know that those two weeks off are well deserved and you will go back to work ready to love your students,colleagues, and more numeracy!

Rock on teachers and have a nice long break!!!!

Day 13: The Smiths plan a family picture card

 Everyone has seen those extended family Christmas card pictures: the grandparents, the children, all the grandchildren and cousins. Everyone is wearing a complementary outfit  on a serene beach somewhere. It rocks.  It reminds me of a really long novel that spans two or three generations, like The House of the Spirits or East of Eden.  My family has never gotten their act together to produce one.

I have no actual personal experience to draw from for this. Therefore, I need to turn to the Smiths!

They sure could use a Wiki....


Mama Smith starts the Wiki:


I booked a session with Gunther Drosselmeyer to do our family Christmas card.  He is one of the best and very expensive and I don't mind paying it because I love my family THAT MUCH.  To show your love for me, I want everyone there at 10:00 am in khakis and a some form of a burgundy top.  Get haircuts or at least brush and comb everyone please.  I went by the Gymboree store and saw three adorable outfits for my grandchildren in their correct sizes.  I don't mind the cost, and please, please know they will get something else for Christmas as well.

Daughter Smith-Black:

The boys have hockey until 10:00 so can we make it 10:30?  They will be rosy cheeked but I will try to gel their hair back and don't be surprised if they don't wear the outfits, right now all they want to wear are their Lego Ninjago sweatshirts but at least they will match. I will have a long talk with both them and the coach about making sure they don't get bruised or bloody nosed right before a picture, but hey if one of them gets a shiner then this will be a documented record for when the Pens send a scout to watch them play in fifteen years.  I'll make sure they have short finger nails, wouldn't want them to scrach Emmeline again right before the picture.

Son Smith:

If I wake up in time I'll be there.  You might want to have some espresso and tylenol ready for me. I'm not sure if I have burgundy anything mother...is that a kind of red?

Daughter Smith-Jones:

I'll be there at 9:45 mother dear.  Emmeline already has the leggins and the hair bow from the collection you and I already talked about.  She and I have appointments early that morning for mother/daughter curls!  I would be happy to stop by the bagel shop if anyone wants anything-Bro, I'll make sure you have espresso-a dopio or a quad?

Son Smith:

Sure older Sis....whatever...if I wake up...don't text me if I'm not there I'm not coming....

Daughter Smith-Black:

Both of you make me want to throw up....

Mama Smith:

Can't my children just do one nice thing for me during the holiday season??????

Papa Smith still can't turn on the laptop....

I hope your Christmas picture was drama free!!!!!!!!!

Day 12: Mary was just a mom...

Today (December 12th)  in Mexico and other Latin American countries, they are celebrating The feast day of Guadalupe. I always wanted to talk about her when I taught in brick and mortar schools but I never knew how to work it in with its really heavy religious overtones...

It took me just about all day to figure out how to work her into this blog. Then I remembered it was my blog and I could do what I wanted.

I could tell you that she starts the "Guadalupe-Reyes Marathon" of celebrations in Mexico-From today until the Three Kings come on January 6th, there is one party and celebration after another.  Now would be an awesome time to be studying abroad in Mexico...

The best book about Guadalupe that I have ever read for children was written by Tomie dePaola. Check it out here. I visited her basilica when I went to Mexico in 1999. I'm not Catholic, but that doesn't mean it wasn't special to me.  The only thing that lessened it for me was the moving walkway that went by it-like I was headed toward an airport gate. Still, I'd go again and I'll never forget the image of her that appeared on the Peasant Juan Diego's tunic.  I love the emphasis on Mary-and how cool is it that all the other festivities start after hers?

She was the mom, and in the two stories about Jesus before he became an adult, she is taking on the lead role.

Forget newborn baby mommy in love for a minute.  Let's skip to age twelve.....


Mary was a day into her journey home to Nazareth before she realized she was missing her first born.  It was an 80 mile walk one way to the temple in Jerusalem.  He wasn't with anyone in their group and they had to turn around and get him.  Could you imagine the feeling?  Could she text him?  Could she call his phone and have all the elders and other citizens listen to her screaming at him how could you do this to me?  NO!!!  It took three more days to find him at the temple once they got there again.  Who gets blamed when something like this happens?  The MOM.

When she finally found him, his response was that of a twelve year old.  You should have known where I was, MOTHER...duh.....  

Really Mary, it isn't like he was normal from the beginning...silly you for freaking out when you couldn't find him....

My favorite story about Mary is when she and Elizabeth were pregnant together.  I wrote that up last year.  Literally, a year ago today.   Maybe Mary is always heavy on my heart on the 12th of December.  Call it her feast day, call it being a Spanish teacher, call it being a mother of three myself, but there she is.....The time she couldn't find Jesus is my second favorite story about her.  She was a mom and made mistakes and didn't always have her game on and had to deal with sarcastic pre-teens and other people judging her for the mistakes-just like the rest of us.

I'm glad to know I'm in good company...think about her on the Day of Guadalupe, Catholic or not, moms are moms...

Day 11: Getting dressed.....

My daughter is the youngest granddaughter on her father's side and the only granddaughter on my side of the family.  Between me and her two grandmothers, she always left the house looking like a children's catalog model for the first seven years of her life.

I don't know what happened when she turned age seven. Maybe it was an independence thing, maybe it was a mother/daughter thing, maybe it was something else, but she wanted to dress herself and the choices weren't always what I would have picked.


This became a full blown war about a year ago.  I won't lie, there were days when I gave in and let her wear what she wanted only to receive a call from the school to bring her something else.   There were days when I won the war and she pouted all the way to school because her socks matched and her bottom was covered.

This year I have kind of given her choices to mix and match, and although I still wouldn't have chosen it, everything is comfortable, on the right way, and seasonably appropriate.

Sunday is another issue.  We go to church.  The southerner in me doesn't miss church.  This was the one day a week she wanted to wear jeans. I had to put a stop to that too.

Among all the Hip Hop pants and Justice bling, I have made sure she has one nice quality skirt.  It's called a Flippin Skirt, and it was made by two super mama friends of mine who also happen to be sisters.  Check out their website here.

This morning she came out of her room wearing a mini skirt I wouldn't let an 8th grader out of the house in and a t-shirt with a sequin peace sign on it.

"Try again Frances..."

Then she came out yet again in a Christmas gown we bought her for extra special occasions-I'm sure her daddy will take her when he wins that Nobel Prize...

"Try again Frances...."

Then she came out in a sweatshirt from two years ago with a pair of jeans on.

"Just kidding Mommy, I'll be right back..."

Finally, she put this little gem together that restores my faith in her fashion gene:

That is her flippin' skirt and because it is made with such fine fabrics I know she can wear it probably until the fourth grade.  She will be wearing it again next week for the Christmas pageant and most definitely when she sings at the Epiphany service. 

Whenever we need to look extra nice, we will  pull it out.  No arguing...

Of course Frances, being Frances, had to one up me and out-do me somehow.....

Pink hair anyone???? (Dollar Tree during nutcracker hunt)

Get a flippin' skirt for your diva, or for the times you need a diva....

Day 10: A Nutcracker Scavenger Hunt

My sons have become obsessed with the Nutcracker.  I wrote about this yesterday.  Today was a cold day in the north and I didn't feel like bundling them up to run around the green but I also wasn't in the mood to let the television take over.  Yesterday we made Christmas Rice Krispie treats so baking was out.  Besides, I don't think I used enough cereal because the batch was quite sticky.  After haircuts and Legos, Barbies, and about ten Mouse King attacks, I had had enough.

We needed a Scavenger Hunt!

The mission: To see how many places we could find a Nutcracker.  If you saw one anywhere on anything, you shouted Nutcracker!  I kept score with tally marks for all three children (check out my numeracy skills-dear colleagues that read this blog). If we found the right one, we would buy it for our house.

They were all over this!!!!

We started with Wal-Mart, and oddly, they didn't have a big one.  They did, however have a New York Yankee Nutcracker ornament.  Kenneth won that round screaming:  "Nutcracker!  Nutcracker! Too bad it's not the Red Sox!"  Shhhh son, please.....

Next we hit the Dollar Tree.  This is just an example of how much I love my children, because only a commitment to a scavenger hunt would have me go in there for an extended period of time.  Side rant: there was a woman in front of us fighting over the price of an item-why would you ask how much something cost in a store called the "Dollar Tree??????"

Frances found the Nutcrackers right away. Lowell found some Nutcracker pencils!  Since it was the store that it is was, I let them each pick one Nutcracker item to buy.  Kenneth said, "Oh no, these are too little to crack a nut."

My son didn't seem to understand that these were for decoration and not make your own chopped walnuts for the mock pesto sauce....  Crap....Crap....Crap.....

We got the Nutcrackers and then I got bold, "Honey, we can go to the grocery store to keep playing the game, but I can also show you what a real Nutcracker looks like."

At the grocery store that stars in all my diaries, we found The Nutcracker on:  M&Ms, a tea box, chocolate candy, the egg aisle, and a poster for the ballet in New Haven.

We also found a real nutcracker:

And Kenneth began to cry."This is all wrong, this is all wrong, where is the man?  I WANT A NUTCRACKER MAN!"

Just once, I would like to go into that grocery store and not be the center of attention.  Actually, I'd like to go anywhere with our without kids and go unnoticed. It could happen.

I had to buy a bag of nuts and show my sons how much fun the other kind of nutcracker can be:

Please notice the Mouse King, the Nutcrackers, the pretzel swords, and the plethora of nut shells!

 
Now I am sweeping up nutshells as my children have sweet nutcracker dreams!

Frances found: three, Kenneth: four, and Lowell: two.  We found a nice one in a card shop that may show up here as a surprise in a day or two....

Plan a Scavenger hunt on a day you are bored, that was fun!

Day 9: Fighting the Mouse King

This is my fourth year at the Montessori center and therefore my fourth Christmas learning about the Nutcracker. I remembered watching it as a child in this post last year.  I saw it performed at least twice, but not within the last twenty years.  I have about twenty friends who were in it as children and about twenty more friends whose children are performing in it now, but I'm good to get my three to do the Christmas pageant. I'm not pressing my luck with a ballet in downtown New Haven.

As I said, I watched the play on PBS and twice on stage.  I never knew the details of it my sons seems to have down.  Forget Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort or Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.  My boys want to play Nutcracker/Mouse King.  Does this make the violence more acceptable?  Is this proof that boys will find a way to thwart my attempts at making them less aggressive towards each other?  Every time I turn around they have turned something into two swords and are humming Tchaikovsky while they whack each other.  "It's culture mommy!  Be proud of us!"

To be honest, I am kind of proud. I love it when they hum classical music in the back of the car, but it gets a little frustrating when the older one tells the younger one "your beat is off-it's blah blah blah..." I couldn't tell a difference between the two.  I don't think I can sing "Happy Birthday to You" in tune.  My children can hum the Nutcracker.

My kids can relate to the irritation and jealousy with a sibling.  They get it when Fritz breaks Clara's Nutcracker.  Again, this isn't permission to not have respect for a brother or sister's personal space or belongings because it is done to classical music.  It's just one more example of how it has always happened and always will.



They have a gift for pulling Nutcracker trivia out of their heads at just the right moment.  My three year old will see one at the grocery store: "Look Mommy!  There's a Nutcracker!  Now we need Clara and a Sugar Plumb Fairy!"  My ability to fool strangers in a frozen food section is amazing. :0)

I heard Kenneth tell a girl at his public school, "No, Clara is not a princess. She is not in Disney. SHE is a little girl in a ballet and sometimes her name is Marie."  One of these days he will learn to share information only when asked. Well, his mother hasn't learned that yet....

Tonight for their Friday night movie,  they asked to watch a version of the ballet and I let them. All three of them watched it and no one appeared bored.  Sure enough at bedtime, my tough middle man freaked out that the Mouse King was after him.  I thought he was putting me on until I realized he was sweating.

OK, this is wonderful.  Just wonderful. He has seen all eight Harry Potters and we only skip the snake scenes.  I think he was in the room for a couple of superhero movies.  I have a feeling he has seen all three Indiana Jones movies, but The Mouse King from the Nutcracker Ballet is making him shake?  Did he get a hold of my copy of The Black Swan?

I used my "Mommy Force," and it worked:

"Honey, Clara knocked The Mouse King out with her slipper, would you like a shoe in case he comes back?"

"More than one, please."

Now my son is sleeping with three pairs of shoes in his bed just in case the Mouse King decides to come get him.  I hope this is not at three o'clock in the morning and little brother ends up with a goose egg for fear of a rodent.

Every year and every season brings something new to learn from a classic. I can't wait to watch the Nutcracker again....

Day 8:The Office and the Christmas Party

The Office is the only show I watch on regular television consistently-everything else is on cable.

The very first Christmas episode aired in December of 2005 when Kenneth was two weeks old.  They were doing a "Yankee Swap" for an iPod.

Switching gifts like that is not the southern way. There have been some Christmas exchanges in my life where I would open a gift and I had no idea what the other person was thinking.  I just smiled and said thank you.  As I held my tiny newborn baby and his two year old sister slept in her bed, I knew that I would never have to worry about doing a Yankee Swap or a Yankee anything for that matter.  North Carolina was and always would be my home...

Ha ha ha life.

The first time I went to a Yankee swap it was a "Tacky Re-Gift Party."  I thought the tacky part was doing the re-gift, not the actual item.  I brought something nice to exchange...


 I have some very memorable moments from The Office Christmas parties:

1) Michael dressed as Jesus trying to get compete with  Phyllis as Santa.
2) Michael photo shopping himself into his girlfriend's Christmas card.
3) Jim giving Kelly the Edward Cullen vampire poster!!!!
4) Phyllis planned a Moroccan Christmas party...




 I'm really tired tonight, so everyone, take a moment to reflect on your favorite "The Office" holiday moment or another holiday episode from a different sitcom....

What's your favorite?

Day 7: Christmas at Hogwarts year 2

People who participate in the tradition don't just roll out of bed on December 25th and have it going on.  It's a process and sometimes it starts in October. First you make your list, then you do your shopping, wrapping, your card mailing, and gift shipping.  Where are you going to eat and how do you divide up your time?  This isn't something you tend to do alone either-family and friends play a big part in the action and plan.

Hermione, Ron, and Harry are a family by now.  This holiday season, they have a fairly complex and adult plan that they have to carry out on Christmas day.  They want to interview Draco Malfoy for information about the Chamber of Secrets and they have to do it as Slytherins.

This involves making a difficult potion that will transform them into other people.  First, they get Lockhart to write a permission slip for a restricted potion book.  Then they steal the ingredients from Snape of all professors-this includes setting off a firecracker in the dungeon.  After that they have to brew it in a broken girl's bathroom toilet so they won't get caught.  Finally, on Christmas day after yet another marvelous dinner that will never come from my kitchen, the Polyjuice potion is ready and they can be Slytherins.  With the exception of the cat hair, which honestly, I think was a good thing anyway because we don't know what Malfoy would have said with Millicent around, all went smoothly and according to plan!

On a mundane Muggle level, wouldn't you love to have a sip of Polyjuice Potion on Christmas day?  Go sit next to your grandmother pretending to be your mom? Get the goods from one cousin about another?  What are they going to say about you?  Do you really know who you are talking to when you start telling a story? 

On another level, "Operation Polyjuice Potion" is an example of how much time and effort we should put into the Advent season.  All the planning of the menus, the gifts, the visits-it all comes together when we get to Christmas day.  Just as it comes together in chapter 12 when we see Harry and Ron turn into Crabbe and Goyle.

Have a method, have a vision, have a direction. I don't even let my children rush opening a Christmas card. We see where it is from, open it together, and say something nice about the people in the pictures. :0)

The result, just as it was for the Trio in the book,  is valuable information that you didn't have before and you are going to need later!

Now I must go hide my elf..I wonder if she has ever met Dobby, Kreacher, or Winky....

Day 6: Christmas at Hogwarts year 1

It's no secret or surprise to anyone that I am a Harry Potter freak.  That's really all I have to say unless this is your first time stumbling upon this blog so let me just say the main point: Second baby-labor-Goblet of Fire movie.  Now I'll move on.

Each year in the novels, Harry celebrated Christmas.  With each year came a different lesson or realization about his life and what he was meant to do with his abilities.  JK Rowling was excellent all the way through, but she definitely made Christmas pivotal each time. 

This go round I want to reflect on his first year at Hogwarts, when he was eleven. This was the first year he had a real Christmas after celebrating it for ten years with the Dursleys (shudder).

It was a no brainer for him to spend it at Hogwarts when other wizarding children were looking forward to the comforts of home. Hogwarts was his home.  This was the first time we as readers got to see how Christmas was spent in the wizarding world.

Harry woke up Christmas morning and couldn't believe he actually had presents, as he had never had any before in his life.  I think of all the things my children receive from both sides of their families and I think of all the gifts Harry must have had to watch Dudley open year after year and I am totally disgusted by the 50-pence piece he opens from his aunt and uncle. That would be about a dollar right now. This makes the first Christmas even more wonderful for him as he looks at the foot of his bed and sees owl delivered "parcels" to open.

This was the first time we got to see Molly Weasley's pure gift for motherhood:

Ron: "My mom. I told her you didn't expect any presents and-oh, no," (he groaned,) "She's made you a Weasley sweater."

Ron is always embarrassed by how little money his parents have, but to Harry, Ron is one of the richest people on earth.  The Dursleys had a gorgeous home and showered their son with gifts, but never would anyone have a tradition such as hand knitting a sweater.  Molly made one for me too! My children know in case of emergency, I'll make sure they are all three safe, and then grab it!  Molly should have written a parenting book. I'd read it. I wish I could channel her.

His second precious gift was the invisibility cloak that had belonged to his father.  That will be very important in the future, but for right now, at age eleven, he was handed a possession of a parent that he never got to know.  In a way, that allows his father to be with him when he goes on adventures at night and sneaks through the library, runs away from Fluffy the three headed dog, and watches Hagrid hatch a dragon egg.  He yearns for his parents while sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised (a mirror that shows you what your heart wants), not knowing that he has his dad with him the whole time.

The Christmas dinner isn't quite something I could replicate:

A hundred fat, roasted turkeys; mountains of roast and boiled potatoes; platters of chipolatas; tureens of buttered peas, silver boats of thick rich gravy and cranberry sauce.....

I would have to place the order very early at the gourmet market to get that catered!

And dear Dumbledore, telling Harry to stay away from the mirror and fibbing that he wanted a pair of socks when he looked into it.  We know later that Dumbledore wanted what a Harry wanted: a whole and happy family.  Isn't that all anyone wants at the end of any day?  To be whole and happy?

What did we learn from Christmas that first year at Hogwarts? It's the time we put into a gift and the memory of who it belonged to that matters more than how flashy and easy it was to obtain.  Harry relished that sweater and used that cloak until the very end.

Think about your gifts this year.....

Day 5: Why I Christmas Shop at the Independent Book Store...

I love to read and I always have.  I'll read almost anything.  I could spend hours in Cary, NC or Pittsburgh, PA combing the aisles of a huge chain bookstore.  For my birthday, for Christmas, for Mother's Day...I want books!!!! I'll read a good memoir like Angela's Ashes or a classic like East of Eden.  I'll read a Stephen King novel, a John Grisham court drama, I'll read Isabel Allende in her original Spanish language.  I'll read the Twilight novels and I won't hide them. 

I used to be the Grinch that stole the Independent bookstore. I wanted the book I wanted when I wanted it and I wanted to skim it while I sipped my over priced cup of coffee.  This could be Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down on my 28th birthday.  This could be The Red Dragon on a snow day in North Carolina because we didn't go to school when there was an inch on the ground.  This could be The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time, which by the way, I read before I had a clue I was going to have two children on the spectrum.  I wanted to read what I wanted to read and if dishes were in the sink, so be them.

Then I moved to the shoreline.....

Breakwater Books is a teeny weeny independent bookstore on the green.  Everything is on the green.  I tried to go in there but I have three children and three children in a tiny store is asking for trouble. So now I save my trips there for special days when I am child free and have a moment to myself.  When I can't avoid it, I call ahead and the women that work there pull what I need so I can run in, threaten the children not to touch anything, and get out.  It's a good system.

What used to annoy me was the wait for the books.  I would go looking for something specific and they would have to order it from the warehouse. Two days later it would be in.  Once I got the call in the coatroom of my son's preschool and dragged all three over there immediately because I really wanted that book.  So I was really irritated for a long time that this was my outlet to the book world. I wasn't ready to read online. I already work online. I need my books just a little bit longer.

Then something happened to make me change the way I view an Independent bookstore forever.


They mailed me a letter!  A real letter in my mailbox and I can't remember the last time I got one of those!  When I moved I changed my phone number and forgot to give it to them.

Here is my special note that I will treasure forever:

YEAH!!! My Sweet Valley High book was in!  Who read those in middle school in the 80s and high school in the 90s? In 5th and 6th grade we could divide ourselves up into girls that were allowed to read them and girls that were not.  My friend Laura had all of them-my friend Elizabeth had to sneak them.  I'll bet many a boy used the book covers for something else.....

If a big chain couldn't reach me, they would have put the book back on the shelf. If Amazon had delivered it to the wrong place, then one of my neighbors might just read what happened to the Sweet Valley Twins ten years later.  But this little store took the time to send me a note to come get my smut!!!!  I'll love them forever now!

By the way-THE BOOK WAS AWESOME!!! The whole crew is back and although they are adults they are still the same and you wouldn't believe what some of them are up to!

For Christmas this year, I'm not shopping at a big book store. My children always get some books from me for Christmas, and they are coming from Breakwater. Actually, they get a book for most minor holidays, but anyway....

And if you want to hear more about the Sweet Valley Twins let me know, I promise I won't tell you asked!

Day 4: The Second Sunday in Advent Crazies...

Over and over again we are told to slow down and reflect on the true meaning of the season.

I have come to the decision that is not possible to "slow down" during Advent.

Advent is for "The Crazies"

For the last eight years in two different states I have taught the middle school Sunday school class. This keeps happening for two reasons: 1) I LOVE that age group and 2) No one else rarely volunteers to take them.  All the kids usually show up because one of their favorite things is to give me my football lesson.  I had no idea that "6 and 3"or whatever meant wins and losses.

The readings today were the biggies from Isaiah and Mark about (drum roll):  "Prepare ye the way of the Lord."

My southern roots always imagine a scary looking prophet screaming at us to "PREPARE THE WAY!"

OK, I'll get ready....

To me preparing the way looks like this:

Did we unplug the lights on the Christmas tree before we left the house...I signed up for two dozen brownies...Kenneth's class wants to hear about Christmas in Barcelona...Frances needs a wrapped surprise for show and tell...where is the paper and the boys used all the scotch tape to decorate the living room and the scissors are for children I can't get them to cut...Did the third one need anything?  I don't think so, let me check his folder one more time...there is a paper Gingerbread man that needs to be decorated...maybe I shouldn't have checked  his bag....Do your boys want to be cows, donkeys or sheep?  The costume is pretty much the same just a different color... practice Away in a Manger at home and please don't re-write it in church... is this list for my own personal three children or the ones in my Sunday school class....write it all down on a calendar somewhere. The youth group still has five more wreaths to sell please make sure they do it.

These are the Advent Crazies. This is part of "preparing the way." This is part of raising your child to keep celebrating Christmas in the future.

By all means, slow down during Epiphany just to make sure you really have one.  Take all the time you want during Lent-that is what it is there for.  But Advent is and always will be busy.

Enjoy your preparation!

Day 3: The 2011 Tree lighting

While I am two months into my fourth year in this town, last night was my second "Tree Lighting."

Last year's post is here.

Pamplona has the Running of the Bulls, Guilford has a tree lighting.

Pretty much the entire town shows up on the green to watch the tree lights come on after a countdown. It is a cool thing that I never witnessed growing up in North Carolina. That isn't to say they don't do it anywhere there, it just means I never saw it happen until I came here.  It is awesome and I love it, but it is one of those things that goes against the spectrum.


What is working against the spectrum:

It's crowded.
It's cold.
It's pitch black.
It's loud.

But the good news is, life in this town doesn't change.  Therefore, if we go every year, it's routine.  The annual tree lighting is part of who we are as members of this community.  With my daughter's form of ASD, the more we do something, the more we talk about it, the better prepared she is. When she is prepared, an event will be much easier for all involved.  She also thrives on a feeling of pride and accomplishment.

She knows we are going and we start talking about it before Thanksgiving.  We practice in the living room.  Her brother crawls behind the couch, they sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town,"  they count to ten, and then he plugs in our artificial tree.  Then all three of them clap and shout hurray. They never get tired of doing this.

Last year my daughter stayed on the church parking lot.  This year, because of our practice and familiarity with the event, she made it onto the green. She willingly walked around with some family friends. I swear if I had known the role they were going to play in my life I would have made them my baby's God parents.  Unfortunately, you can't see the future that specifically.

When she had had enough, she asked to go to church. I was very proud of her for trying. She happily watched the lighting from the wreath sale, eating marshmallows and laughing with some friends from her Sunday school class.

Maybe next year she will stand on the green with all our friends and neighbors and do the count down.  Maybe one day she might be on the stage singing a Christmas carol if she takes chorus in middle school.  If she doesn't, she knows what to do other than scream and roll around on the floor.

She could give a lesson to some grown women I know......

Guilford lit the tree-let the holidays begin!

Day 2: The Smith's Holiday Wiki....

Since I started teaching online, I have become quasi proficient in blogging, message boarding, tweeting, podcasting, skyping, teleconferencing, glogging, emailing politely, status updating, and now creating avatars of myself singing in Spanish.

What I haven't fully mastered is the Wiki.  A Wiki is a really cool concept. A group can work on a document or other social media something together.  Let's take my daughter's class for example. If they are planning a play and they have a list of jobs for the mommies: what we need to buy, what time we need to be there, etc, etc... instead of one hundred emails going back and forth over and over again, everyone can edit "the wiki" and the jobs are done and there is no animosity that five moms brought napkins and only one mom had cups.

Here's a cool video on youtube:

You know what words jump out at me as I watch this?  Collaborative!  Easy to create!  Published immediately! Compare versions!  This is cutting edge, changing the world, awesome stuff and I'm so thrilled to be learning it.

Now everybody: think about planning the "Family Christmas Event" with it.

(Pause)

I'm calling this family "The Smiths."  They are going to be a generic family.  They could be any family planning any event anywhere in America. Let's give them a Mama, a Papa, three grown up children (two daughters and a son). :0)

Mama Smith starts the Wiki on the second day of December:

Christmas dinner this year will be at five o'clock sharp. I will make the turkey if each of my girls will provide the side dishes, their brother will bring the beverages.  At six thirty we will open presents and go youngest to oldest. I want to watch my grandchildren enjoy their gifts, so please no television. The family service starts at 8:00 we need to be in line by 7:30.

Daughter Smith-Jones "edits" round 1:

Emmaline wakes up from her nap at four and needs about thirty minutes to become pleasant again. After we read two books and do her flashcards she needs a new outfit and then we can drive the thirty minutes to the house I grew up in.  So five o'clock isn't going to work.  Please remember she is not allowed sugar and we prefer everything to be as fresh as possible. How about six o'clock for dinner, let the children open gifts, then get in line for the service-everyone, don't forget to make sure the iPads are charged so the children will wait quietly in line. I just found a wonderful app that can teach French and Chess strategies at the same time!

Daughter Smith-Black "edits" round 2:

My boys will only eat McDonalds Happy Meals right now and it's Ben 10 week, so I'll pick those up on the way. No one in this house has napped since 2009.  Unwrapping gifts will take less than five minutes. Mother,  I really wish you would buy a Wii so that we could all hear ourselves think.  Check your medicine cabinet for band-aids, Neosporin, and all those other things we need for whenever my twins jump their frail cousin.  I swear they didn't rip the head off the multicultural Barbies on purpose last year.  Standing in line by 7:30 is possible.  I just put Holiday Angry Birds on my phone.

Son Smith (single and childless) edit round 3:

Whatever..I'll be there at five.

Papa Smith can't turn on a laptop......


What awesome creative collaboration! We will re-visit this "Holiday Wiki" throughout the Advent season....don't you want a real one now?

Day 1: A Facial from Rituals....

I went to a women's college.  I was a girl-scout.  I went to a camp for girls for four summers in a row. I have read The Traveling Pants series. I get sisterhood, and motherhood, and the feminine mystique.

Women need each other.  You help each other out, you cry on each others shoulders, you cheer each other on.  Viva la sisterhood!!!

The holidays are coming.  Most of my goody-goody friends have already finished their shopping. Hurray for them.  But in case you haven't started, what is one of the best gifts a woman could give another woman?

I have the answer. It came to me when I was getting one myself:

A facial!

No kidding, seriously, I am not trying to be flip.  A facial is the perfect gift. Let me tell you why.

I had one at Rituals on the town green.  It was a gift from some friends that thought I needed it.  I was a little perplexed because in my head I didn't know how a facial could last an hour. I just thought they put some gunk on your face, let it dry, wash it off, and you go home touching the softness before the kids started screaming again that they wanted macaroni and cheese instead of the well balanced meal you wanted to feed them.

There are two nice things about one spa treatment versus a day of them:

1) you can find an hour if you try hard enough and
2) If no one gives you the gift card, you can afford one treatment every now and then.

An hour?  Really?  OK, someone else was paying...

This was also the first time I had gone to Rituals for anything other than waxing.  I don't see waxing as pampering, I see it as a necessity. I'd rather not look like my Uncle Wade, so I get waxed.

The first thing that they do is take you to a gorgeous bathroom that is not filled with plastic toys and towels that have Disney characters on them.  Then they hand you a fluffy bathrobe, towel, and sandals and tell you to change. Why do I need to wear a robe to get my face done?  A facial is not just a facial at Rituals.


I was taken to the "Relaxation Room" to wait for my aesthetician to come get me. I would have paid just to sit in that room and listen to the calming music while reading a magazine and sipping tea before they even put the goop on my face.  

When the girl comes in, guess who it is? 

My waxer!!!! 

I didn't know aestheticians could do it all.  You build a very close relationship with the girl who does your waxing. She knows what you look like before she rips the hell out of you.  Now we would get to spend a whole hour together doing something much more pleasant.


You lie down in your towel under the warm sheets and just let the world float away while she does more than smear mud on your face.  Just for an hour, your name is not Fiona and you are not an ogre in a swamp with triplets. Your face is exfoliated, toned, steamed, extracted, hydrated. Your neck, your scalp, your hands, and even your feet are massaged.  Your stress and troubles and worries are brought to the service and cleansed away in that hour. When she is done, you can go back to the relaxation room for more tea or lemon water as you embrace the fact that you are about to go back to your life of Legos, trains, and Barbies. 


Now, who to give this to? That is a very good question. I came up with a list!

1) Another mom with kids as rough as yours. Think of the times you are in line and everyone's kids are standing there and yours are going crazy. One other mom has a kid going nuts too. She should have a facial.
2) A teacher. She gets flack from parents, students, other teachers, and her administrator.  Give her the facial.
3) This one is rough, but think of a woman you might not have been so nice to-either directly or indirectly. Maybe she should get a facial?  (Warning-don't make a list of all the women that owe you a facial-that isn't part of the holiday spirit.)
4) Your very best friend in the whole wide world who has gone above and beyond for you over and over again...
5) Your own mother?  Just saying....


Go to Rituals, get a facial, or buy one for someone else this Advent season. You will feel better, she will better, and you can check it off your Christmas shopping list.

If you feel guilty, follow up with a wax.