7: This is how I try to watch the Office

OK...Ok..this is it. The last Christmas Episode ever..... NO more Jim, Pam, Angela, Oscar...the gang is leaving me forever. No more Scranton-no more only mockumentary I enjoy that wasn't made by Christopher Guest. I had just had a baby when this show premiered...ah nostalgia.


I will have all three children asleep by nine. And I don't want to hear it from a single uber perfect mommy who has all three out cold by seven after they recite a Bible story.

Tonight is choir night so the girl has to be there and my student council member must be back at school and the little one is coughing.....

All three take a bath and have their homework done.... the time is 8:15 I can do this...

Daughter: You know, I think I want to re-arrange my room.

And she pulls out everything all over the place and reorganizes dresses and dolls and finds one Christmas gift I thought I had hidden well.


Middle Son: They didn't feed us at student council.... what???? My child hasn't had dinner? AHHHHHH so he eats while the other one is rearranging stuffed animals by color instead of Disney movie.

Every body has brushed teeth...little one is asleep no problem....

Why are you in such a hurry to get us to bed?

Hurry? There is no hurry?

You want to watch something on television...

No I don't

I think I'll sleep in your bed tonight....

GO TO SLEEP KENNETH

I have the television ready...and I don't hear a sound...

OMG it's the stupid parental control...it goes on every time a new show starts... Where is the remote? Where is the remote???? What is the code? I can't believe I didn't punch it in right.....

There we go.... Crap I missed the intro...whatever I'll watch it online.

Ahhhh Christmas with Dunder Mifflin. What memories that don't involve my own dysfunctional family stories. The place I learned about the Yankee Swap/Steal game. Where Angela and Phyllis fought over party planning. When Michael wore his Jesus costume...when Michael put himself in the girlfriend's Christmas card...ha ha ha....

Let's see...

How does that idiot not know about Die Hard.... Well, maybe I'm being mean.. I might not have paid attention either if Snape wasn't the bad guy..nice, great...love it when Dwight gets a chance to shine. Krampus...we all know who he is now how clever of these writers as it is December 6th. I'll miss them more than the actual actors.

And I hear a giggle from the other room. Kenneth is laughing at the Office.

GO TO SLEEP!

But this is funny...

The last season of the Office and Kenneth laughed. At an all new episode NOT in syndication. I haven't been so happy since he laughed all the way through Andy Griffith's What is was, was football recording.

Merry Christmas to me!!!!!

Perhaps there will be a spin off in Philadelphia???

6: St. Nicholas Day

St. Nicholas has his feast today, December 6th. Children put out their shoes and he leaves candy or a small toy.

 Every year I plan to put together some cute little thing to put in their shoes for St. Nicholas day. I can never find the right shoes or the right trinket. Then we can never find the pair we need or we discover someone just outgrew a very expensive pair.  Shoes are not a laughing matter.

My girlfriend Kara has it together:

Three beautiful little girls, three adorable pairs of shoes, look at the ribbons on the cookie bags!  I LOVE this! Next year...I swear...I will do it.

This year was not without happy shoe moments at our house.....

In October, I took Frances to the Soundrunner to buy her first pair of real running shoes on her birthday. We ran around the green with some friends.  As we were laying out her clothes for PE day one night, she said, "PE shoes are great, but I think I need a pair of art shoes, and music day shoes, and I really need a completely different pair for library day too mom."  The diva in her is too much for me to take.

I asked the kids what we should do special this holiday season for anyone in need, and Kenneth immediately said, "SHOES!  Could you imagine having nothing on your feet?"  We collected every pair of shoes we had outgrown and the amount was enormous. 

What shocked me was how many pairs of running shoes I went through training for a marathon:

Our shoes are headed  to Soles4Souls.  They prefer new and slightly used donations. Here is another list of places you can send your old shoes.   You should check them out-especially if you are one of my running buddies!

I think St. Nicholas would be very proud of us- and next year I'll make sure they get a treat!

5: Best Christmas Pose Ever!!!!!

This is the best way to get the perfect Christmas picture:

Invisible Kids!  Aren't they clean?  Aren't they all smiling? Nobody is fighting, kicking, or scratching!

I should have done this the first time around:

Frances and Jeremy, 2004

The ornaments are more fun than the picture...

4: You just need a pedicure

Sometimes I suffer from psycho mom syndrome.

One of them has to be at dance and the other has basketball and the third one asked for a playdate at a house on the other side of town and didn't I promise them we could go to the new yogurt place. Then everybody has to have homework done and folders checked and beep there is another email and three more students left voicemails about their midterms and the library books are overdue.

The last straw was when I dropped everybody off at the right place and had an hour to myself. I was going through the ATM machine line when I hear a voice in the car behind me...

PAAAGGEEE can you pull over and talk about this committe for a few minutes?

Are you kidding me?  I can't go anywhere in town...ever....ahhhhhhh

The solution is NOT to cancel all activities and plug them into various technology devices.  The answer is to pull out a gift certificate you have for a ...

PEDICURE

That's what a woman wants in her stocking- a card for a pedicure.

Think about when you can use it:

After a bad parent/teacher conference- either as the parent or the teacher- Pedicure
Forgot to take the garbage out because the kids were screaming and you hear the guy come and go at six am? -Pedicure.

Is your local art cinema so small they aren't releasing the coolest independent movie coming out this year? -Pedicure

Another mother driving you crazy with her high heels and perfect hair at eight am when you know she doesn't work?  -PEDICURE

You just ran 26.2 miles  or ANY mileage that was your long term goal?  PEDICURE

Think about it-you aren't just having your toes painted.

You also:

Sit in a message chair

Soak your feet in foamy water

Have a hot stone leg and foot massage

Read for fun....I once took a professional development book, but that was STUPID.

Get free therapy from a nail technician that knows what she is talking about-mine made me promise never to date from a certain area again.... 

Now, this is the gift giving and the holiday season, but I still have to say it:

STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE NANCY!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, the women who are going to crash your plan? I can hear them now:

Well….you could get hepatitis.

I don't have the time for that...I don't have that money....blah blah blah

This may not be in the spirit of the holiday season, but screw them.

If you get bored one day, go to the OPI website.  Click on "Try it on" and play around with the hand and polish colors, but pretend it is your feet.  I don't do manicures.  I might some day when my kids are grown and I don't have to dig in dirt, but until then, I'll settle for pampered feet.

Page's Pamper Pick for 2012?  The Pedicure...

What better Christmas present would that be?

So what if it’s winter time…go anyway and know your feet look nice under the snow boots you are wearing as you slosh to the preschool coatroom from now  until May.

I'll see you at the salon!

3: Tree Lighting, wreaths, and home...

All events in New England revolve around the time of year.  When it’s time for the fair, it’s time for the fair.  When it’s time for the Easter Egg Hunt, it’s time for the egg hunt. Memorial day weekend the beaches open up.  I wonder what would happen if we skipped a ritual?   We wouldn't have much to do until the next thing.

So it is with the tree lighting. Nothing stops our little town from bundling up in the dark to count backwards from ten and light up the tree on the green.

Churches and local businesses have their own activities going on tree lighting night- I didn't take a single marketing class but I have enough sense to know that is good idea.  Our church youth group always sells wreaths and hot chocolate.  I have always helped them on the fringe, but this year, the woman who normally organizes the event was in Germany.

Hmmmmm who would you ask to organize the middle school wreath and hot chocolate sale if the woman who normally does it takes a nice long cruise down the Rhine?

My three children saw the answer: "OH NO MOMMY!  NO SUE?  THE SALE IS CANCELED!"

Thanks babies...from the bottom of my heart.  I'm glad she had more faith in me than my own three children.

She even had a way of giving me such a motivitional, inspirational talk, there was no way I could turn her down. 

Thanks to a lot of checklists and google docs, the set up and wreath making went well.

Thanks to fifteen years of teaching middle schoolers, wreath sales and clean up went well.  I did tell three of my "Salesmen" to go run around the green for fifteen minutes and come back when they were calm.  That was brilliant. :0)

Thanks to my church being incredibly family oriented, a group of us went out on the green to watch the tree, and a group that didn't care for dark crowds in the cold stayed inside.  Guess which one my daughter chose?

This year I broke my own rule.  I actually had cash and let the boys buy plastic blinking Christmas swords.  Call it giving in.  Call it props for when they play Nutcracker/Mouse King.  Call it I've been watching this show called Revolution and now I always play the "What if we lose power and society falls and what will they remember" game.  But they were both running around waving swords.  That is actually how they recognized fellow classmates in the dark.  Good idea afterall.

Just like every year since way before I ever heard of this small town called Guilford, everyone started the count down and my boys started to chant:

Guilford Rocks!  Guilford Rocks!  Guilford Rocks!

Yes, yes it does.

 I had a job at the tree lighting.

 After all was said and done, we skipped home in hats and mittens and blinking swords.  Now I really live here....didn't see that coming. :0)

2: Making the Advent wreath.

It only took nine years, but all three kids can now sit through a Rite II Eucharist service.  This is a big deal considering one of them couldn't go into a crowded room at all ever just four years ago.  Thanks to a couple of social stories and practicing at home, they get the general idea of what is happening and when.

We have also talked about how we don't knock the knealers over on people's feet and we smile and say good morning to everyone.  The BIGGEST accomplishment of all is getting them to understand that during a homily when the preist asks a question, he or she doesn't really want an answer, although we can usually come up with one.

Yay for the team!

Since we can sit through a service, why not try an after church activity on a day there is no Sunday School?

The Sunday after Thanksgiving is the Sunday we make Advent wreaths for home.  I have blogged about the Advent Wreath before.  I was joking about it, but maybe we should make the wreath and light the candles.  Anyone can put up a tree, right?  How many people can say they light the Advent candles?  That is a lot easier for me than making sure all my ornaments are in symetrical formation with coordinating bows and lights.

Each family was to bring their own greenery.  Well, one good thing hurricane Sandy brought us was some fallen down pine branches. Every one wanted a turn with the clippers, but no one lost a finger during the fight. I tried to remind them we were cutting the greenery for our Advent wreath and did we want to start the season off wrestling for pine needles, really?

Like my Moravian Great-Grandmother, we added important symbols from the year amongst the greens, pinecones, and candles:

 

Page: A movie ticket stub from New York City and a sea shell with 26.2 on it.

Kenneth: A snake for reptile studies and legos.

Lowell: A train and a crayon covered in glitter .

Frances: A fashion barbie purse and a tea cup.

The first Sunday in Advent is now over and the candle was lit no problem and there was no fighting over who got to use the lighter. 

We were well represented.

Now on to that tree....

1: Advent: The Ambush that we didn't see coming

For a third year in a row, I'm going to give you twenty-five Advent Quacks.  This year I was hesitant. How is it possible to come up with twenty-five new reflections?  Then I remembered two things.  First, every Pastor, Minister, and Priest all over the world has to come up with some new take on the holiday for a church service-so I can create twenty five stories, right?  Second, I am never in the same place at the same time ever, so I should be able to come up with a new reflection.

I took a moment to think about what Advent meant to me personally, the writer of this blog. The first year, it meant "wait."  Last year, it meant I was about to become someone new. 

This year..This year...this year...I gave up and consulted a thesaurus with the word "Wait". 

 Guess which one sprang out at me?

AMBUSH-.. the act of waiting in a concealed position in order to launch a surprise attack.

In a battle, this means one side would have quite a bit of patience and time and strategy and the other side would be quite surprised.

That is perfect.....
'

This year, like an ambush,  I think the holidays came out of nowhere. 

Part of this is my fault. I had other things going on-mostly a marathon.  On a more ordinary time level, I changed curriculums at work.  Any teacher knows the first year of a new curriculum is a massive undertaking.

Then we had a hurricane that knocked out the power and post-poned Halloween. Just because one holiday is delayed doesn't mean the other two biggies are a week behind too.

The holidays and the weather and the election all were one big ambush.

Over and over again we say,  "Wow...sure didn't see that coming..."

Let's keep going with the didn't see it coming theme:


On the nativity level, they didn't see it coming:

Mary: Um...I'm sixteen and a virgin and I'm pregnant....Didn't see that coming.

Joseph: Um...she's pregnant...it wasn't me... I think I'll pass on marriage...but I'll do it quick and not humiliate her.... OK  I  just had a funky dream and changed my mind... Didn't see that coming...

Both: No room in an inn? So we are going to have a baby in a stable....lovely...Didn't see that coming...

On my level:

I didn't see a lot of things coming this year, or ever...but I sure am glad they came.

A marathon? Didn't see it coming...
Southern Belle in the north?  didn't see it coming
Staying here on my own?  didn't see that coming

 I'm glad Christmas is coming.  If for no other reason, than because I get to write for twenty five days in a row!

I'm going to take it from that angle this year. Things that I didn't see coming are going to weave in and out of the next twenty five days.  Don't worry-there will be all kinds of comedy, reflections, and gift giving tips too.

I hope you saw this coming...