Bath Time!

It is such a shame that overzealous mommies are no longer able to take pictures of their munchkins in the tub for fear of being arrested as pedophiles. I mean, doesn’t everyone want to go to their home page on Facebook and look to the right and see album after album of another kid taking a bath? I guess we will have to settle for beach shots for now….

Bath time at our house rocks. I can throw all three of them into the tub together. I am not sure how much longer I am going to be able to get away with this, but I am going to enjoy it until it is no longer possible. It gets a little complicated when one of them wants to swim like a mermaid, one wants to pour water like he is making tea, and the third has figured out he can stand up and put his mouth on the spout, but still, it is so much easier to do them all at once. And I use regular soap and tearless shampoo. Back in the day I might have used special organic freshly squeezed shampoo from an all natural country spring, and soap that was made by herbalists with Earth’s greatest gifts, but now I’m good if I just use something without any of my hair stuck to it. And forget matching towels and washcloths. Just the other night I wrapped baby up in a wedding present from 1997.

Getting ready could take about thirty minutes when you factor in filling up the tub, catching all three children, finding clean pajamas, digging for towels and all the fun toys and cleaning products. Then you have to factor in that they are my kids, so one of them dumps a bag of marshmallows in while another one watches and laughs.

The toys they make for the bathtub or the coolest. There are bathtub numbers, letters, and globes. A couple of Christmases ago my kids got a set of floating dolphins that you hit and they play classical music. I’m telling you, some of my home schooling friends could have all their lessons in the bathroom. If you want to be cheap about it or are paranoid about mildew, then just get some pots and spoons. They also love the funnel and the measuring cups; it’s not like their mommy uses any of it to bake from scratch.

Washing hair and soaping with wash clothes should not be as complicated as it is. It is becoming an assembly line and a competition. They try to pour their own water on their heads and close their eyes. Then it becomes, “I didn’t cry! Did you cry?” “Ha! The baby didn’t cry either.” They are ready for games like “Uncle!” when they get to the public school playground.

The tub is also a great opportunity for therapy homework. When Frances was two, she would not “sit still.” Now part of the problem with that is that when you tell a general pediatrician, “My two year old won’t sit still,” they laugh at you. But my child literally flitted from one thing to the next all day everyday and then repeated the actions. Yet another red flag I didn’t see. In the bathtub she was trapped without screaming to get out. She also enjoyed the feeling of the water. Therefore, I was able to do all of the suggestions from the therapists and books I was reading but getting nowhere with.

Aside from the wonderful letters and numbers, two of my favorite items were and still are soap foam and bathtub crayons. (OK, before I go any further, neat freak mommies, all you have to do is the minute they are done in the tub, wipe it all down with a Clorox clean up wipe or just water, but it does all come off, even for slacker mommies like me the next day). The soap foam is wonderful for drawing in. You can practice your letters, your shapes, getting dirty, and drawing people. Right now she is working on spelling her name. Last year she worked on circles and Xs, so it grows with you. It’s dirt cheap at Wal-Mart. The crayons in the tub are the only way I can get her to draw and practice her grasp. She still wants to fist her pencils. I have to be careful that these sessions do not become “screeching mommy time.” The fun is lost if you spend your bath time screaming “Don’t drink the water!” and “Don’t eat the soap!” We don’t live in poor conditions. I do try to keep it to a minimum, but still, there are worse things to eat and drink.


I know someday they are going to be able to take their own bath, put on their own pajamas, and brush their own teeth. That is going to be awesome, but right now, I have to capitalize on another opportunity to trash the house and have fun doing it. And we say Calgon takes us away…..

What I love about the summer

1. You have less laundry, especially socks.
2. All you need for a summer birthday party is a sprinkler and some ice cream.
3. You spend quality time with the people that mean the most to you, even if you only see them every couple of years.
4. There are more hours in a day and you spend them outside.
5. My wedding anniversary, the birth of my third child, the release of Harry Potter novels, my favorite holiday... July is magic!
6.I don't work, for this I love being a teacher.
7. I could spend hours and hours on a beach, any beach. Now I live less than five minutes from one.
8. The smell of sunscreen and a page turning novel
9. Summer camps and day trips
10. Knowing a new school year begins in August, we can always start over and change the path we are on, just a little...

I hope everyone is enjoying my favorite season, it gets me through the winter.

Things a Mother just doesn't want to hear

I am going to list different things I heard during those first two years of motherhood when my daughter wasn't hitting milestones and we were still in the "We don't know" phase. It doesn't matter who said what, and please don't start emailing me apologies or "who was it?" questions. I am just listing these for other moms. That is always my intention and agenda. So, without anymore delay, what not to say:

1. “You hold her too much. Who is going to walk when someone is there to hold them?” First off, a baby who wants to walk will kick and scream until you put them down. Secondly, she never really wanted to be held, she wanted to crawl.

2. “Tell her to use her words. USE YOUR WORDS BABY GIRL!” Why should she talk if you let her sign? Why should she talk if you give her what she wants when she cries?” By the time we decided to add sign language and picture visuals, we were desperate. I just wanted to talk to my daughter and know what she needed. The worst example of no language was when she was crying over a strep throat and I had no idea that is what she had. (Compare this to her brother two years later the same age with a UTI screaming “My penis! My penis! Get it out!”) Don’t ever think a mother doesn’t want her child to talk.

3. “They all go at their own rates-your expectations are too high.” Yes, this is true, to some degree. But if you have an 18 month old that won’t walk or talk, you have a problem. This isn’t a first tooth or a Sippy cup.

4. “You don’t give her a chance. You are used to a classroom of teenagers and you treat her like she is one of twenty-five. Quit talking over her head.” I actually really believed this one at first. When I had her I had worked with teenagers for six years, it was easy to see this one as a possibility. My audience had gone from age fourteen to nine months. But pardon my bluntness-I’m not stupid and I knew she was a baby.

5. “I stayed home. You didn’t stay home. You should have stayed home and put her first.” ok, this is just called making mommy cry and being hateful. Some moms have no choice but to work. Don't go there with a mother.

6. “Why won’t you let me help? I can get her to walk. I can get her to talk.” Yes, of course, everyone can do it better than you can.

7. “You are stressed. She is stressed.” Is this a wives’ tale?

8. “It was the breast milk. It was something you ate or drank.” That was my personal favorite one and I think formula companies would jump on it. It is also crap.

9. “Well, she doesn't act like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.” OK people, let me spell it out. S-P-E-C-T-R-U-M.

10. “Did you drop her? Ever?” No, but I would love to kick you across the room right now.


So, these are just some things you might hear,and when you do, take a deep breath, and know that you are not alone in hearing them. Next time, I am going to post the positives.

A Prairie Tale Review

One of my first fandoms was Little House on The Prairie. It should have been a sign of things to come over the years. To this day, I can watch the opening credits or scenes and know which show it is by seeing the guest star list. My college roommates used to threaten to tape my mouth shut if I gave away the plot or quoted the dialogue directly. As a child, I had all the accessories. I was usually Laura or Mary for Halloween, and I had the lunchbox. Man, if I still had that what it would go for on ebay….

I learned a lot from that show, although over the years they started repeating themselves. There were two different bullies that the kids had to gang up together and kick ass on. A couple of different children had crazy, abusive parents. Albert, who incidentally was written into the show but wasn’t in the books, taught us about drug addiction and rape. If I ever need to cry on demand, I just have to remember the episode when Mary lost her sight and I can’t stop crying. (Try it, “Help me Pa! I can’t see!” ….there it goes.) If you need to learn about compassion, forgiveness, and accepting the things that you can’t change, then watch Little House. I even found it dubbed in Spanish in Ecuador and Spain, man did my host families think I was crazy. Well, they thought that anyway.

So, I was reading People Magazine when I actually went to get my haircut without the kids hanging on me, and there is Melissa Gilbert talking about her new memoir, Prairie Tale. I didn’t go straight home to the sitter, I went to the bookstore on the Town Green and bought it in hardback, and started reading it immediately. One hair appointment and one hardback all on the same day, is there a mother alive more selfish than I am?

I have only read one other memoir, and that was Tatum O’Neal’s at my sister’s insistence. Tatum’s was more of a confessional; you already knew we were crazy, over the top out of control kind of book. Melissa’s is more of a catching up with an old friend read. Her life was not psycho crazy, more of an every day, it could happen to anyone kind of crazy life, and that makes it easier to identify with her.

She starts off with her childhood and looking for work in commercials and parts on shows. Her mother was very supportive of her and she comes from a family in the business. Her mom didn’t impress me as obsessing with her child’s career. She was a consistent manager, but kept a distance somewhat. I liked reading about her friendship with Jodi Foster, it was nice to know that Jodi’s friends were cool with her and she wasn’t fooling anybody over the years.

She talks a lot about the Little House years, those take up a big chunk of the book and are probably the reason, myself included, why most people are going to run out and buy it. Again, she is informative without being “confessional.” Melissa Sue “Mary” was introverted; Alison Arngrim “Nelly” was her best friend. Michael was a phenomenal leader. She was scared to death when they hired Dean Butler to play her love interest on the show and she had to play his pregnant wife while still a virgin. My favorite part was the story of the shows cancellation. I remember watching them blow up the town when I was ten years old. I had no idea Michael Landon did that as a “Screw you” to NBC. He didn’t want them to recycle his sets for another show.

I also liked reading about her love interests and failures. Other women can identify with the relationships, mistakes, your first intimate moments, and letting go of that first serious boyfriend. Unfortunately, not all of us get to claim it as Rob Lowe. I can’t see her with Billy Idol no matter how hard I try, but good for you Melissa, I guess sometimes we need some strange. It was also identifiable when she talked about how her crowd of friends took off in the movie industry but she remained “Half-Pint.” I mean when your friends succeed or move along and things don’t always happen for you in the same way or form. My favorite scene during that time of her life was when she was having dinner with Rob and OLIVER STONE and two girls come up to the table and ask for HER autograph. That so would have been me, not knowing I was stepping over the creator of Platoon to ask what it was like to wear pigtails every day until you turn fifteen.

I commend her for writing honestly about her marriages. I always wondered why she made all of those television movies back to back without a break. It was because her first husband ran her into a debt she really wanted to get out of on her own. She and Bruce Boxleitner are happily married, but it isn’t always easy and there are bumps in any marriage, including their son being a preemie in the NICU and a crazy neighbor recording their phone calls.

She became president of the SAG, something I don’t think you can approach lightly or without common sense. I can only compare it to what I know about teacher unions, so I won’t comment more than that.

It is definitely her story, and it really is the normal story of an actress with an extraordinary television career. Don’t go looking for Michael Landon, except how his divorce affected her friendships with the rest of the family. Don’t go looking for Rob Lowe, except how he would sneak in her window every night for a not-so- Edward Cullen night of snuggling. And don’t go looking for a wild and crazy expose, because while Melissa does throw in some little snippets for us, (like the BIG surprise that Shannen Doherty isn’t nice), Melissa is just a mom, wife, and girl who grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, with problems like the rest of us.

Thanks for sharing Half-Pint. By the way- I love your hair color.

Guided Reading Beach Balls

Frances has been in Speech therapy since she was twenty months old. So, this is my fifth year into it. She has had seven different ones with varying approaches and strategies. I was talking to another mom at her speech camp last week about how a therapist recommends something, she buys it, and then it sits in the playroom. I started laughing because I do the same thing. This isn’t just the playroom. There are tons of kitchen appliances that are collecting dust because we have had no desire to make waffles ever again.

Something that I did break down and buy is the set of Guided Reading Beach Balls.

Frances has always had a hard time with sequencing and re-telling a story to me, and this was recommended by a speech pathologist at the UNC-G Speech and Hearing Center.


While this is not going to detract from the on-going commentary that is story time, we have now incorporated the “beach ball game” into the bedtime routine. The three of us read a story, and then choose a beach ball color and answer the question. Sometimes they toss it back and forth between each other, and sometimes they just choose a color and answer the question.

Here is an example of how we do it, using Eric Carle’s “The Very Busy Spider.” I modify it for a five and three year old.

1)What is the setting? (Where is it- A jungle or a farm?)
2)Who are the characters (Spider, farm animals)
3)What is your favorite part? (When the pig asks her if she wants to roll in the mud, when she catches a fly in the web)
4)How did it end? (The spider falls asleep.)

As a mother who can hear her three year old re-tell a story and every little thing that happens during his day, to know that my five year old can’t freaks me out. It really does and there is no other way to put it other than to say I’m freaked. This little approach is a step in the right direction.

I will post more things that worked for me, but remember, I’m just quacking.

Soccer Camp Week in Review

I'm sure there are moms who keep a little "journal" of all the little events in their child's life. If I had to scribble one down for soccer week, this is what it would look like:

Monday-Mommy has to stay, there is no shade, thank goodness I packed one water bottle, nothing to sit on, remembered his soccer ball. Happened to have sunscreen in Vera, but only the regular kind. Kenneth stops the ball by falling over it, not using his feet. He falls seventeen times according to his friend. Every ten minutes all the little preschoolers come running for water. Lowell wants to drink from everyone’s sippy cup but his own.

Tuesday-Packed a small cooler of drinks and a snack for after camp, had a quilt to spread out and toys for the baby. Said baby was also wearing a huge sun hat and sunscreen. Woman behind me starts screaming that her phone won’t turn on. She borrows her friend’s to call her husband at work and tell him her phone won’t turn on. Screams at him goodbye, and then tells the rest of us husbands are worthless. Kenneth has learned to stop the ball with his feet, according to his friend, he only crashed twice.

Wednesday- Rained all night and was very muddy. This is the day he wants to wear his special uniform that his “Tio Dani” sent him from Barcelona. I tried to tell him no, but there really was no point. Frances starts screaming she wants to wear hers to school, so both of them are wearing their good outfits in the rain and mud. Lowell won’t nap in his stroller, so I get no reading time, but should probably be watching the soccer drills anyway so we can practice at home. Kenneth does not stop when the coach yells “red light.”

Thursday-It is a cool day for July, he doesn’t really need sun block but they still get water breaks every ten minutes. He starts to yell when we get there, “Mom! Mom! I have to go the coach is in the circle mom!” He is going to miss the world cup if I don’t hurry down to the field. He asks me when he can go to high school, he wants to start soon.

Friday-Daddy takes the morning off to watch the last day. Frances doesn’t have school so she runs up and down the bleachers, Lowell chews on the orange cones. Even port-a-johns are cleaner in Connecticut. Kenneth is given a popsicle after the final little mini-game. He tells my friend, “no thanks, I don’t like popsicles, can you get me a banana?” Everyone thinks I am a strict nutritionist. LOL my friends know me better than that.

Move over Diego Maradona. I still wish he would sign up for preschool emo poetry writing instead.

Show and Tell

Who thought this torture up for mothers everywhere? Mom is the one who has to ask the principal for special permission to bring in the family snake and maybe let the class watch it eat a rat. Mom is the one who gets the frantic call from the child screaming, “Please bring in my share toy! Please bring it now!” Most likely she has plenty to do other than come back to school with a “show and tell” object. But she does it because she is mom, then the kid gets in front of the class and has stage fright and just stands there with a light saber or an American girl doll and won’t let anyone touch it during free time. To drag the agony out even longer, someone sneaks over to someone else’s cubby and takes it, and then the preschoolers proceed to chase each other around the room, banging each other and all the centers with said sword or doll baby.

I loved “show and tell” day because it meant that math started late. My brother and I had a Venus flytrap and we took turns showing it to our classes. It was a big deal for him to walk it down to the third grade room. I also remember being especially excited about sharing chop sticks from Taiwan and a Georgia O’Keefe style cow skull I found on a ranch. We all know what “show and tell” really means. It means, “I have it, and you don’t.”

Fortunately for me, my daughter’s Pittsburgh school had no “show and tell." I will be forever grateful to Dr. Sharon Carver for that. Maybe I should send her a note. However, now we live in Connecticut. The other morning Frances was screaming for her Daisy Duck doll I couldn’t find as the bus driver pulled up and was shooting daggers at me to get her on the bus. Which I did promising my child she could share Daisy next week. Of course by then she will have moved on to Pluto.

My son’s “show and tell” is on Fridays. Now here is the clincher. It has to be science oriented. This keeps it educationally satisfying, attention grabbing, no fighting on the playground, and especially no going home to tell mommy and daddy that little Freddy has some 100$ toy that everybody else only wishes they could buy their kid. Kenneth has a collection of plastic animals and picks one a week for school. This is a whole new fight, one week he wants to take the bull elephant and the next week the calf. How is that for three year old science?

What makes it science anyway? What if he wanted to share his nebulizer or a bottle of Percocet? (We don’t have any, but what if…..) What if he wanted to share a picture of an indigenous tribe half naked in Brazil? Would that be better than sharing his blankie? Hmmmm…….

I too as a teacher have experimented with classic “show and tell”. My third graders were to bring in pictures of their family members and describe them in Spanish. One kid showed off a bunch of pictures of a family cruise and made it very clear his grandpa footed the bill before I could yank him off the stage. Now on a successful note, my 8th grade Spanish class had to do a speaking assignment version of the elementary school “show and tell”. They loved it!!! I had never seen fourteen year olds get a kick out of something like they did pretending to be eight again. So there is a time and place for bringing in your gymnastics trophy or your favorite stuffed animal.

“Show and Tell”, dear “Show and Tell”. At least I would rather sit through that than a round of “Heads up! Seven up!” and that is saying something.