One pink puzzle piece

Boring statistics number 1: 1 in 110 babies will have an autism spectrum disorder.

Boring statistic number 2: It is four times more likely to happen to a boy.

My life doesn’t go by statistics. Maybe that is why I don’t do math.

During the “What the hell is wrong with my toddler?” phase of my life, I was told she had anything and everything but autism. “Oh no, Mrs. P, you have a girl.” LOL went the pediatrician, neurologist, and speech pathologist. I didn’t get the big “A” word diagnosis until she was four and we had moved states. It could be that I didn’t hear what I didn’t want to hear, but that is for another post another day.

What is it like to have a girl on the spectrum? I get this question about neck and neck with what is it like to be southern in Connecticut. I will have to write it up as it comes, so this is pink puzzle piece number one. To start, I’m going back to the princesses to help me with this. And again, I can only write about what has happened in my house, I can’t speak for anyone else.

She discovered the Disney Princesses about three months ago and that was it. She can’t just watch Beauty and the Beast. Before we start the movie, she has to put on the Belle dress, find her stuffed Beast, find the all of the princess dolls, even make sure she has on Belle socks if she has them, and then watch the movie. Then later, in her room, I can hear her acting out different scenes from different movies and acting with the dolls. We go through this process with each princess and each movie. If she had her way 100% of the time, we would put the television in the bathroom so she could watch the Little Mermaid in the bathtub water.

The little details are very important to her. She wants to know why Prince Charming is wearing gloves. She wants to know what went into the apple to make Snow White fall asleep. She is obsessed with what happened to Drizella and Anastasia after the movie-I desperately want to tell her they had kids of their own and Cinderella has to deal with them in preschool coat rooms, but I don’t. She really won’t be happy until I tell her that John Smith and Pocahontas reunite in England, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Every little princess shoe must be accounted for. She knows who wears the pink ones and who has the red. These can’t under any circumstances be sucked up by a vacuum cleaner and if they are, then Mommy is going to have some kind of fun going through the bag later.

Her brother is her number one prop. If you need a prince to dance with-there he is. If you need a wicked witch or step-parent, he will be that too. He has also been known to be a mouse or cat, depending on which animal is needed at the time. He isn’t too thrilled if he has to play Flit the hummingbird, but he will. Their conversations really crack me up. Once, Frances said that Phillip was the best prince because he fought the dragon to kiss Sleeping Beauty. Kenneth responded with, “I’m not sure about that, I mean, John Smith was wounded and had to go back to England in a boat; that had to have hurt.” For the record, as soon as it warms up, I will turn off the television and take them to the park.

Let me tackle a few stereotypes. Yes, she categorizes her princesses and lines them up certain ways in her room. If she is anxious about something, like a schedule change, she will wake up in the middle of the night and play with them until she falls asleep again. She shuts her door and doesn’t want anyone coming in. I listen on the other side and can figure out what is bothering her by what the dolls are saying. Her brother, being her brother, delights in rearranging them. “Frances, I’m going to touch your dolly.” This results in a melt down and sometimes a wrestling match if I don’t intervene in time. There are times when she tells him to do it just so that they can fight. Oh the joys of siblings. Every now and then she will let him play "princess school" too. I always love it when she includes him. Interaction is a good thing.

We make lists and lists of the princess movies and the characters in them. For Sleeping Beauty this would be: Aurora, Phillip, Sampson, Merryweather, Flora, Fauna, King Stefan, King Hubert, and Maleficent. She reads the lists to herself and she copies them over and over. (Yes, I am floored that my child can read). She carries them around with her and the dolls. We decorated a special box with princess stickers to keep her things in.

Just recently she told her teacher she was going to Disney World for two weeks. She forgot to tell us. If and when we get there, we will be scouting out the princess characters and it will take a great deal of work to get her away from the Cinderella Castle. I hope some of the minor characters, such as Bruno the dog and Lucifer the cat, have some form of representation. Thank goodness I have this site to help me with the princess planning. Otherwise I might be in for a royal fit.

What is it like to have a girl? My pieces of the puzzle are pink. Every parent has to deal with these tantrums and obsessions and stubborn streaks in some way, but with the autistic child, it is constant. Now I must go back to printing out princesses.