Day 5: Why I Christmas Shop at the Independent Book Store...

I love to read and I always have.  I'll read almost anything.  I could spend hours in Cary, NC or Pittsburgh, PA combing the aisles of a huge chain bookstore.  For my birthday, for Christmas, for Mother's Day...I want books!!!! I'll read a good memoir like Angela's Ashes or a classic like East of Eden.  I'll read a Stephen King novel, a John Grisham court drama, I'll read Isabel Allende in her original Spanish language.  I'll read the Twilight novels and I won't hide them. 

I used to be the Grinch that stole the Independent bookstore. I wanted the book I wanted when I wanted it and I wanted to skim it while I sipped my over priced cup of coffee.  This could be Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down on my 28th birthday.  This could be The Red Dragon on a snow day in North Carolina because we didn't go to school when there was an inch on the ground.  This could be The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time, which by the way, I read before I had a clue I was going to have two children on the spectrum.  I wanted to read what I wanted to read and if dishes were in the sink, so be them.

Then I moved to the shoreline.....

Breakwater Books is a teeny weeny independent bookstore on the green.  Everything is on the green.  I tried to go in there but I have three children and three children in a tiny store is asking for trouble. So now I save my trips there for special days when I am child free and have a moment to myself.  When I can't avoid it, I call ahead and the women that work there pull what I need so I can run in, threaten the children not to touch anything, and get out.  It's a good system.

What used to annoy me was the wait for the books.  I would go looking for something specific and they would have to order it from the warehouse. Two days later it would be in.  Once I got the call in the coatroom of my son's preschool and dragged all three over there immediately because I really wanted that book.  So I was really irritated for a long time that this was my outlet to the book world. I wasn't ready to read online. I already work online. I need my books just a little bit longer.

Then something happened to make me change the way I view an Independent bookstore forever.


They mailed me a letter!  A real letter in my mailbox and I can't remember the last time I got one of those!  When I moved I changed my phone number and forgot to give it to them.

Here is my special note that I will treasure forever:

YEAH!!! My Sweet Valley High book was in!  Who read those in middle school in the 80s and high school in the 90s? In 5th and 6th grade we could divide ourselves up into girls that were allowed to read them and girls that were not.  My friend Laura had all of them-my friend Elizabeth had to sneak them.  I'll bet many a boy used the book covers for something else.....

If a big chain couldn't reach me, they would have put the book back on the shelf. If Amazon had delivered it to the wrong place, then one of my neighbors might just read what happened to the Sweet Valley Twins ten years later.  But this little store took the time to send me a note to come get my smut!!!!  I'll love them forever now!

By the way-THE BOOK WAS AWESOME!!! The whole crew is back and although they are adults they are still the same and you wouldn't believe what some of them are up to!

For Christmas this year, I'm not shopping at a big book store. My children always get some books from me for Christmas, and they are coming from Breakwater. Actually, they get a book for most minor holidays, but anyway....

And if you want to hear more about the Sweet Valley Twins let me know, I promise I won't tell you asked!

Day 4: The Second Sunday in Advent Crazies...

Over and over again we are told to slow down and reflect on the true meaning of the season.

I have come to the decision that is not possible to "slow down" during Advent.

Advent is for "The Crazies"

For the last eight years in two different states I have taught the middle school Sunday school class. This keeps happening for two reasons: 1) I LOVE that age group and 2) No one else rarely volunteers to take them.  All the kids usually show up because one of their favorite things is to give me my football lesson.  I had no idea that "6 and 3"or whatever meant wins and losses.

The readings today were the biggies from Isaiah and Mark about (drum roll):  "Prepare ye the way of the Lord."

My southern roots always imagine a scary looking prophet screaming at us to "PREPARE THE WAY!"

OK, I'll get ready....

To me preparing the way looks like this:

Did we unplug the lights on the Christmas tree before we left the house...I signed up for two dozen brownies...Kenneth's class wants to hear about Christmas in Barcelona...Frances needs a wrapped surprise for show and tell...where is the paper and the boys used all the scotch tape to decorate the living room and the scissors are for children I can't get them to cut...Did the third one need anything?  I don't think so, let me check his folder one more time...there is a paper Gingerbread man that needs to be decorated...maybe I shouldn't have checked  his bag....Do your boys want to be cows, donkeys or sheep?  The costume is pretty much the same just a different color... practice Away in a Manger at home and please don't re-write it in church... is this list for my own personal three children or the ones in my Sunday school class....write it all down on a calendar somewhere. The youth group still has five more wreaths to sell please make sure they do it.

These are the Advent Crazies. This is part of "preparing the way." This is part of raising your child to keep celebrating Christmas in the future.

By all means, slow down during Epiphany just to make sure you really have one.  Take all the time you want during Lent-that is what it is there for.  But Advent is and always will be busy.

Enjoy your preparation!

Day 3: The 2011 Tree lighting

While I am two months into my fourth year in this town, last night was my second "Tree Lighting."

Last year's post is here.

Pamplona has the Running of the Bulls, Guilford has a tree lighting.

Pretty much the entire town shows up on the green to watch the tree lights come on after a countdown. It is a cool thing that I never witnessed growing up in North Carolina. That isn't to say they don't do it anywhere there, it just means I never saw it happen until I came here.  It is awesome and I love it, but it is one of those things that goes against the spectrum.


What is working against the spectrum:

It's crowded.
It's cold.
It's pitch black.
It's loud.

But the good news is, life in this town doesn't change.  Therefore, if we go every year, it's routine.  The annual tree lighting is part of who we are as members of this community.  With my daughter's form of ASD, the more we do something, the more we talk about it, the better prepared she is. When she is prepared, an event will be much easier for all involved.  She also thrives on a feeling of pride and accomplishment.

She knows we are going and we start talking about it before Thanksgiving.  We practice in the living room.  Her brother crawls behind the couch, they sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town,"  they count to ten, and then he plugs in our artificial tree.  Then all three of them clap and shout hurray. They never get tired of doing this.

Last year my daughter stayed on the church parking lot.  This year, because of our practice and familiarity with the event, she made it onto the green. She willingly walked around with some family friends. I swear if I had known the role they were going to play in my life I would have made them my baby's God parents.  Unfortunately, you can't see the future that specifically.

When she had had enough, she asked to go to church. I was very proud of her for trying. She happily watched the lighting from the wreath sale, eating marshmallows and laughing with some friends from her Sunday school class.

Maybe next year she will stand on the green with all our friends and neighbors and do the count down.  Maybe one day she might be on the stage singing a Christmas carol if she takes chorus in middle school.  If she doesn't, she knows what to do other than scream and roll around on the floor.

She could give a lesson to some grown women I know......

Guilford lit the tree-let the holidays begin!

Day 2: The Smith's Holiday Wiki....

Since I started teaching online, I have become quasi proficient in blogging, message boarding, tweeting, podcasting, skyping, teleconferencing, glogging, emailing politely, status updating, and now creating avatars of myself singing in Spanish.

What I haven't fully mastered is the Wiki.  A Wiki is a really cool concept. A group can work on a document or other social media something together.  Let's take my daughter's class for example. If they are planning a play and they have a list of jobs for the mommies: what we need to buy, what time we need to be there, etc, etc... instead of one hundred emails going back and forth over and over again, everyone can edit "the wiki" and the jobs are done and there is no animosity that five moms brought napkins and only one mom had cups.

Here's a cool video on youtube:

You know what words jump out at me as I watch this?  Collaborative!  Easy to create!  Published immediately! Compare versions!  This is cutting edge, changing the world, awesome stuff and I'm so thrilled to be learning it.

Now everybody: think about planning the "Family Christmas Event" with it.

(Pause)

I'm calling this family "The Smiths."  They are going to be a generic family.  They could be any family planning any event anywhere in America. Let's give them a Mama, a Papa, three grown up children (two daughters and a son). :0)

Mama Smith starts the Wiki on the second day of December:

Christmas dinner this year will be at five o'clock sharp. I will make the turkey if each of my girls will provide the side dishes, their brother will bring the beverages.  At six thirty we will open presents and go youngest to oldest. I want to watch my grandchildren enjoy their gifts, so please no television. The family service starts at 8:00 we need to be in line by 7:30.

Daughter Smith-Jones "edits" round 1:

Emmaline wakes up from her nap at four and needs about thirty minutes to become pleasant again. After we read two books and do her flashcards she needs a new outfit and then we can drive the thirty minutes to the house I grew up in.  So five o'clock isn't going to work.  Please remember she is not allowed sugar and we prefer everything to be as fresh as possible. How about six o'clock for dinner, let the children open gifts, then get in line for the service-everyone, don't forget to make sure the iPads are charged so the children will wait quietly in line. I just found a wonderful app that can teach French and Chess strategies at the same time!

Daughter Smith-Black "edits" round 2:

My boys will only eat McDonalds Happy Meals right now and it's Ben 10 week, so I'll pick those up on the way. No one in this house has napped since 2009.  Unwrapping gifts will take less than five minutes. Mother,  I really wish you would buy a Wii so that we could all hear ourselves think.  Check your medicine cabinet for band-aids, Neosporin, and all those other things we need for whenever my twins jump their frail cousin.  I swear they didn't rip the head off the multicultural Barbies on purpose last year.  Standing in line by 7:30 is possible.  I just put Holiday Angry Birds on my phone.

Son Smith (single and childless) edit round 3:

Whatever..I'll be there at five.

Papa Smith can't turn on a laptop......


What awesome creative collaboration! We will re-visit this "Holiday Wiki" throughout the Advent season....don't you want a real one now?

Day 1: A Facial from Rituals....

I went to a women's college.  I was a girl-scout.  I went to a camp for girls for four summers in a row. I have read The Traveling Pants series. I get sisterhood, and motherhood, and the feminine mystique.

Women need each other.  You help each other out, you cry on each others shoulders, you cheer each other on.  Viva la sisterhood!!!

The holidays are coming.  Most of my goody-goody friends have already finished their shopping. Hurray for them.  But in case you haven't started, what is one of the best gifts a woman could give another woman?

I have the answer. It came to me when I was getting one myself:

A facial!

No kidding, seriously, I am not trying to be flip.  A facial is the perfect gift. Let me tell you why.

I had one at Rituals on the town green.  It was a gift from some friends that thought I needed it.  I was a little perplexed because in my head I didn't know how a facial could last an hour. I just thought they put some gunk on your face, let it dry, wash it off, and you go home touching the softness before the kids started screaming again that they wanted macaroni and cheese instead of the well balanced meal you wanted to feed them.

There are two nice things about one spa treatment versus a day of them:

1) you can find an hour if you try hard enough and
2) If no one gives you the gift card, you can afford one treatment every now and then.

An hour?  Really?  OK, someone else was paying...

This was also the first time I had gone to Rituals for anything other than waxing.  I don't see waxing as pampering, I see it as a necessity. I'd rather not look like my Uncle Wade, so I get waxed.

The first thing that they do is take you to a gorgeous bathroom that is not filled with plastic toys and towels that have Disney characters on them.  Then they hand you a fluffy bathrobe, towel, and sandals and tell you to change. Why do I need to wear a robe to get my face done?  A facial is not just a facial at Rituals.


I was taken to the "Relaxation Room" to wait for my aesthetician to come get me. I would have paid just to sit in that room and listen to the calming music while reading a magazine and sipping tea before they even put the goop on my face.  

When the girl comes in, guess who it is? 

My waxer!!!! 

I didn't know aestheticians could do it all.  You build a very close relationship with the girl who does your waxing. She knows what you look like before she rips the hell out of you.  Now we would get to spend a whole hour together doing something much more pleasant.


You lie down in your towel under the warm sheets and just let the world float away while she does more than smear mud on your face.  Just for an hour, your name is not Fiona and you are not an ogre in a swamp with triplets. Your face is exfoliated, toned, steamed, extracted, hydrated. Your neck, your scalp, your hands, and even your feet are massaged.  Your stress and troubles and worries are brought to the service and cleansed away in that hour. When she is done, you can go back to the relaxation room for more tea or lemon water as you embrace the fact that you are about to go back to your life of Legos, trains, and Barbies. 


Now, who to give this to? That is a very good question. I came up with a list!

1) Another mom with kids as rough as yours. Think of the times you are in line and everyone's kids are standing there and yours are going crazy. One other mom has a kid going nuts too. She should have a facial.
2) A teacher. She gets flack from parents, students, other teachers, and her administrator.  Give her the facial.
3) This one is rough, but think of a woman you might not have been so nice to-either directly or indirectly. Maybe she should get a facial?  (Warning-don't make a list of all the women that owe you a facial-that isn't part of the holiday spirit.)
4) Your very best friend in the whole wide world who has gone above and beyond for you over and over again...
5) Your own mother?  Just saying....


Go to Rituals, get a facial, or buy one for someone else this Advent season. You will feel better, she will better, and you can check it off your Christmas shopping list.

If you feel guilty, follow up with a wax.

Advent 2011 is here

Wow, another block of Ordinary time is gone again. The Sundays after Pentecost went from around Memorial Day weekend, until yesterday, the first Sunday in Advent.  The fact that this was called "Ordinary" time in the liturgical church calendar floors me because the "Page" calendar from Memorial Day weekend until last week was anything and everything but ordinary.

Perhaps that is why it is God's calendar and not my calendar that matters?

No matter whose calendar you choose to follow, it's that time before Christmas again. Some people call this the shopping crunch time. Some people dread the travel time. Some families do a Christmas tree and Santa Claus. Some families do the Nativity and the birth of Christ. Some families celebrate the "other" seasonal holidays. Some families roll their eyes at all of it.  No matter what, it is "that time." And you need to embrace it-even if it means planning your shopping trips accordingly so you can park.

I thought after last year I couldn't have twenty five more posts in my head to reflect on the holiday season and my life in general.

I was wrong, and I can always admit when I am wrong.

I'm going to blog again for the 25 days of Advent quacks. They will officially start on Thursday but since the first day of Advent was yesterday I thought I would go ahead and get this up today. Calendars are made up by people anyway.  According to Kris Kringle in Miracle on 34th street, "Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind."

If you have it, even a Grinch can't steal it.

I'll see you on the first!

P.S.-You can always go back an re-read Advent 2010

One bag of Oreos

When one of my kids has a tantrum or refuses to follow directions, or even more creatively does the opposite of what I say just because I said it, I have to remain calm. I don't always.  Girl, every mother loses it every now and then, but if I want results, I need serenity. I need to wait out the rebellion and then they will do what I asked.

I simply say, "Go ahead, I'll wait." I'll wait until you pick up the Legos. I'll wait until the stuffed animals are in the cabinet.  I'll wait for you to brush your teeth. I am in no hurry, especially now that I'm back in town. All three reluctantly, eventually, do what I say.  The more I keep this up, the quicker they catch on that mom means it.

Sometimes I think when we are called "Children of God." This is what they mean.  God keeps telling me to do something and I keep throwing a fit or doing the opposite of what he wants for me and he says, "Go ahead Page, make the bad choice, I'll wait, then you're going to do what I asked you to do in the first place."

Whatever....anyway, what I would tell a mom when she first hears her child is on the autism spectrum is...

I give you permission to eat one entire bag of Oreos-here is a box from me to you:

What was it like for me? I was relieved the first time that I had a name for it. PDD-NOS sounds a lot better than, "She is just going at her own pace."  I had been told for a couple of years not to worry. Don't worry at the twelve month check up, don't worry at 15, don't worry at 18. Hello pediatricians, exactly when should I worry?

But with my son I was devastated. You can read that post here. It is true, I went home from that parent team conference and I downed a bag of Oreos. I give you permission to do the same.  Do something sad and unhappy. Oreos, ice cream, M&Ms, Doritos...eat a whole thing by yourself and wash it down with a soda that isn't diet. You just won the anti-lottery.

I know some women like me that were relieved to finally have answer, but I have talked to lots of women who were destroyed with the diagnosis. I know women in denial. I know women that locked themselves away and cried.  You may do this for a day or a weekend if you must-get your anger out, get your anguish out, and then move it along. Intervention means just that-jumping in and shifting the way things are going and it isn't passive.  You are going to be surrounded by a lot of people with opinions and you will need to focus on what is best for you and your child.

One bag of Oreos is acceptable to express your disappointment in the situation. It is not going to turn you into a blimp unless you do it three times a day for a month. Which you won't be having time for because you have a lot of work to do now girlfriend...

If you aren't ready, fine...I'll wait.